


Misunderstood, Misinterpreted, and Moggie

by AsheTarasovich (natalieashe), Boffin1710, natalieashe



Series: Secret Garden [3]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Alec Burns things to cinders again, Angst, Angst and Porn, Arguing, Bond the peacemaker, DubConNonCon not fluff, Eve the matchmaker, Fighting, Idiots in Love, Knifeplay, M/M, Mental Anguish, Misinterpreted, Misunderstandings, Non canon complaint, Non-Canon Relationship, Q Has a Cat, Q has a boyfriend, Rough Sex, Separations, The things we don't say, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-04-30 12:23:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 35,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5163719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natalieashe/pseuds/AsheTarasovich, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boffin1710/pseuds/Boffin1710, https://archiveofourown.org/users/natalieashe/pseuds/natalieashe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Monsters are real. Ghosts are real too.  They live inside us, and sometimes they win.  ~ Stephen King</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Alec groaned and fisted his fingers in dark curls, tugging the eager mouth away from his neck so he could claim a rough kiss. His cock slipped free and Alec took the opportunity to flip his partner face first into the sheets, shoving the younger man roughly into position so he could push back in in one hard movement.  
  
"Fuck! Needed this" Alec growled. His fingers clamped onto his lover's hips. "Make some noise you little shite. Let me hear you."  
  
The dark haired boy keened beneath him, scrabbling at the sheets with slim fingers as Alec fucked into him mercilessly.  He rutted against a fold of duvet that bunched under his hips as the large blonde targeted his prostate. "Fuck, fuck, fuck" he panted with every thrust.  "Make me... Fuck.  Make me..."  
  
"I'll fucking make you..." Alec watched his cock drive into the pale begging man. "So fucking need to... Fuck!" He came, cursing the little shite for being too fucking good. The boy shuddered and came into the bedding with a grunt.  
  
Alec pulled out and collapsed onto the bed, rolling over to check the clock. An hour before he needed to be out the door. Time to get things moving.  He slapped the young man's arse, not even giving him time to catch his breath. "Don't get comfortable sweetheart, time to go."

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

After 6 days straight in TSS, napping on the sofa in his office when possible, Q finally crossed the threshold into his own flat.  Alec had returned home from his latest mission 24 hours earlier.  Stopping just inside the front door after setting his securities, Q hesitated taking in the state of the flat.  Alec had only made it just inside the front door before dropping his bags.  But he also noted that the flat was quiet, no Alec.    
  
He had hoped when Alec had returned to home soil, they would have a chance to talk.  They had been at odds when he has been sent out, barely tolerating each other's presence.  Q had hoped a little time apart would have smoothed the rough edges some so they could talk, clear the air.    
  
Dropping his messenger bag on the sofa, Q headed to the kitchen needing a drink.  Stopping abruptly, he stared at the kitchen counter.  One bottle of Alec's favourite vodka.  Two glasses... Two.    
  
"Fuck..." Q hissed.  He spun around, eyes searching the flat as if he was searching his monitors following as agent on a mission on far away foreign soil. From the green filled garden to living room to his eyes finally landing on the stairs to the upper rooms.  His hands shook with not only his lack of sleep, the adrenaline missions high, but utter anger now.    
  
Q stood just inside the door to his bedroom, their bedroom staring at the rumbled mess of the oversized bed.  Not from slumber.  The room still smelled of sex, Alec's cologne and some one else.  Slowly backing out of the room, Q took a deep breath heading back downstairs.  Another glass out of the cupboard, he took a seat at the kitchen counter pouring himself a glass of Alec's and waited.  Trying to control the anger seething in him, he waited for Alec to come back to the flat.

Alec pulled into the driveway and reached into the passenger seat for the off license carrier bag.  The bottle of wine bounced painfully off his thigh as he hurried to the flat door.  Thanks to his early morning distraction – and it had been a lovely distraction – he had been late to his debrief, and M had insisted on taking his report herself, questioning every minor detail of the mission.  Now he was running two hours later than planned and he still had to clean up the mess he had left in his haste.  
  
Alec grinned to himself.  It had been impulsive to bring him home.  The kid was eager to please and Alec had been tempted to ask for his number.  Almost. But he was a post-mission fix, nothing more.  Alec dropped him at the tube station three stops from the flat, hoping the he would never figure out his way back.  Risky and stupid, but then Alec had never claimed to have common sense.  
  
Still, he had a few hours yet before Q would probably find his way home…  
  


 


	3. Chapter 3

Alec’s stomach dropped as soon as he realised the securities were no longer fully set. He knew with certainty he had done them in the morning as he left, half-heartedly fending off his enthusiastic visitor. “Fuck!” Mentally he ran through his intended task list to eradicate all evidence from the flat. Christ, he just prayed Q hadn’t ventured into the bedroom… the bedding… a used condom somewhere... "Fucking hell! He pasted on an easy grin and headed down the hall, scanning the living room ahead to check Q was actually present. He spotted the familiar messenger bag on the sofa and swore again under his breath. The grin was back in place as he rounded the corner into the kitchen. “You’re home. I wasn’t expecting you till later this evening.”

Q glared icily from his perch by the counter. “Clearly. Drink? Or did you and your friend have enough last night.” Q slid the vodka bottle and two used glasses towards him. A third glass, three quarters full, sat by his elbow.

Alec’s eyes flickered towards the stairs. He could excuse himself, head for the bathroom. Only take a minute to drag the bedding into the hamper and deal with it later… “Yeah, ran into someone I know. Had a couple, catching up. Everything ok?” If he grinned much harder his cheeks would start to ache. “I brought wine, would you like some?”

"Who? A name, Alec? That’s if you even bothered to ask. Do you ever ask?”

“What’s gotten you all pissy Q?” Alec started trying to avoid Q’s questioning.

“A friend. Just any old friend. One you just happened to bring back to a secured flat.” Q waved a hand towards the front door of the flat. “To have a bloody drink.” Q’s eyes never left Alec as he reached for the glass sitting at his elbow and downed it in one go, inhaling sharply at the burn. “I would suggest you think very careful about the next fucking thing you say, Alec,” standing from where he sat at the counter as he poured himself another drink.

Alec moved to the kitchen with the bottle of wine in hand and began searching through the cupboards for the bottle opener. “Have a drink with me Q. I missed...” Alec began but was cut off as Q slammed his glass down sloshing vodka onto the counter.

“Oh do not even say that Alec. It’s extremely obvious that you did not miss me one moment while you were gone.” Q started to walk away from the kitchen but spun back around, control beginning to slip on his anger. “You are such a fucking bad liar Alec. How do you not get yourself killed routinely out in the field? Or do you just really think I am that stupid and gullible?

"Of course not" Alec soothed. Q hadn't accused him of anything yet, not really. Better to tread carefully and try to rescue the situation before it became an all out screaming match. "I went to a club for a few drinks... Needed to relax and I knew you weren't going to be home until this evening. We got talking..." He pushed a glass of red across the counter towards Q who stood with fists clenched several feet away. "He was here an hour, max. I know, I shouldn't..."

"And this friend - who still doesn't have a fucking name, by the way - was satisfied with an hour of your time? Does he charge by the hour, Alec?" Q spat. "Or were you too fucking pissed to keep going longer than that?" Q stalked away towards the stairs but turned again. "Why here? That's what I don't understand, you bastard. Did you bring the others here?" Q wasn't entirely sure there had been others but he had suspected... And dismissed. Now...?

Alec gaped at him. He had been discreet. And it hadn't happened often. Twice, three times... This was the fourth since he and Q had decided they were something like a couple. "No, of course not. Hotels." And he really should not talk, given that he had no defence. He took a large swallow of wine, holding Q's glare. "Fuck! It didn't mean anything. You're not always here when I come home..." He muttered.

Q was shaking with anger but a cold calm had settled over him. "Do not put this on me. I want you to leave, Alec. Tonight. I don't care where you go, I just want you out of my flat."

Alec just stood there staring at Q, wine glass in hand. “Come on Q. You don’t really mean that.”

“So now I don’t know what I am saying.” Q stared at him from halfway across the living room, that cold Quartermaster stare when one of his techs had done something incredibly ignorant.

“Q. Please…” Alec crossed the room to where Q held his stance not giving an inch and made the fatal mistake of starting to reach up to take the younger man by the arm.

“Bloody bastard.” Q wanted nothing more than to punch Alec in the face, but instead pulled back from him. “Don’t even think about touching me. Bad enough that you bring your ‘nameless old friend’ here to the flat, but in our own bloody bed. The least you could have done was used a spare bedroom.”

Alec cringed slightly thinking that maybe he still had a chance to get past that forgotten issue upstairs, but it seemed that Q had already discovered what he was hoping to hide. “And I’m not always here when you get home?!” Q threw back at him again. “You can’t keep you cock in your pants long enough for me to get home?! What am I supposed to do?! Tell me Alec… walk away from 009 on the comms, shot and pinned down, in Tegucigalpa. Let him find his own way home?!”

"Q, please! I was still on mission mode... Hadn't come down properly. I..." He tried to reach for Q again but the younger man had reached his limit.

"No! If you can't do the decent thing and get the hell out tonight, then I'm going. I can't bear to stay under this roof... Not in the bed, my bed, where my lover fucked someone else. You are such a fucking bastard." He stormed up the stairs and into the bedroom, stopping just beyond the doorway to take in the scene again. The tangled, stained bedclothes mocked him. How many others....? Q turned away from the bed and began to unplug his charging cords, stuffing them angrily into a small overnight bag that he dragged from the wardrobe. Pants, pyjamas, a couple of clothing changes followed. Enough to see him through the next couple of days until Alec was gone. He stopped, closed his eyes and gritted his teeth against the wave of hurt. Gone, from the flat, and from his personal life, but they still had to work together. Fucking bastard.

Alec had followed him silently onto the bedroom and was pulling the bedclothes from the bed. Sheets and pillowcases were piled on the floor while he pulled the duvet from its semen stained cover. Q turned to speak just as the rogue condom fell onto the floor. They both stared at it for a moment before Q pushed roughly out of the bedroom with his bag, leaving Alec to dispose of the evidence of his betrayal. By the time Alec had managed to dispose of his indiscretion and make his way downstairs, Q had deposited his overnight bag and his messenger bag at the front door.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs as Q came out of the closet off the kitchen area, cat carrier in one hand and mobile in the other. “This is Q. I need a car at my flat now!” he snarled into the mobile. Disconnecting the call, his voice soften immediately as he started hunting for his cat. “Amelie… come here baby. It’s okay.” As he began searching in her normal hiding places knowing as soon as the voices had become loud, she would have disappeared. “Amelie…”

"Oh come on Q. You’re not really going to leave and take the bloody cat too.” Alec came up behind him as he was searching under the sofa and grabbed onto his elbow. “It wasn’t anything.”

Q immediately stood up pushing Alec’s hand off of him. “Don’t touch me Alec.” He snarled at the man who he thought had cared about him. “It wasn’t anything. Fuck you Alec. Then obviously, I wasn’t anything either.” He pushed past Alec to go look for the feline in her next best hiding place.

"Of course you're bloody something, Q! We live together. We mean something." Alec moved in front of him, a huge barrier to Q's progress around the flat.

Q groped blindly in his back pocket wishing he had a taser and not just a mobile phone to thrust in Alec's face. He selected another speed dial and clamped the phone to his ear attempting to navigate around the bulk of agent who was finally beginning to realise Q was seriously planning to leave. "Moneypenny? Evie? I need your sofa" Q glared at Alec "yes I'll explain when I get there." With a final malevolent glare "Yes, he's a fucking bastard."

Alec growled and turned away, finally having spotted Amelie slinking away towards the garden door. He scooped her up and began petting her ears, cuddling her close to his chest. "You're not leaving Q. We need to sort this out. It was only fucking sex, for god's sake. Fucking. If you'd come home an hour or two later you would be none the wiser and..."

"Stop talking. Stop fucking talking, and give me my fucking cat, Alec." Q held out his arms and Alec reluctantly handed over the struggling tuxedo cat. "You have no idea what you've done. I thought you actually cared about me. How stupid was I? I'm just convenient sex, clearly, when you can't be bothered to find it elsewhere. I hope he was fucking worth it Alec." Q showed Amelie into her carrier whispering to her trying to calm the panicked feline. He flung his messenger bag over his shoulder, opened the front door before grabbing his overnight bag. “Car will be here any minute. If you aren’t going to get out, I’ll have Tanner find me another vetted flat to live. At least if you stay here, you’ll have plenty of bedrooms to use with your ‘old friends’ you happen to run into.”

Alec started to reply but Q interrupted him again. “If you say it was only fucking sex one more time Alec, so help me. Decide if you are staying or not Alec, because now that I think about it, I don’t think I can come back here no matter what you do. I’ll have vetted movers come get my things.”

“You’re not leaving Q!” Alec insisted trying to reach around Q and close the front door. “Talk this out Q!”

"None the wiser! You really do think I am naïve and ignorant don’t you Alec!” Q snarled at him blocking the front door open with his foot so Alec couldn’t keep him inside the flat. “I hope you can at least be civil enough to not let this become an issue at work, Alec. Just stay away from me and consider R now assigned to you as your handler.” Q pushed out the front door just as a black Bentley sedan pulled up out front.

"You're not doing this Q, not leaving" Alec tried a final time but Q was already handing over his bag to the driver. Reluctant to make a scene on the street Alec called "I'll phone you later, we need to sort this out."


	4. Chapter 4

The drive to Moneypenny's flat was short.  Q waved the driver's offer of help away and climbed the stairs with his bag and Amelie mewling in the cat carrier.  Moneypenny was waiting at the door, a frown of concern creasing her brow.  She was dressed only in short pyjamas, her dark hair pushed back from her face with a thick orange band.    
  
"What has the bastard done?" She queries, taking the cat from Q and locking the door behind them.  "It's not your anniversary yet, or a birthday.  Not even you get this upset over lost or broken tech."  She headed off down the corridor towards her bedroom assuming Q would follow, and curled up by the headboard freeing Amelie from her cage.  The dainty cat curiously explored the bed, snuffling at the unfamiliar duvet.  
  
Q dropped his bags and without a second thought kicked off his shoes and then his trousers, crawling under the covers on the opposite side of the bed.  He held out a hand to his cat who haughtily accepted a stroke before settling between them.  Q swallowed, suddenly overwhelmed with sadness and anger.  The first sob escaped before he could snatch it back.  "Bastard cheated, Evie.  Fucked someone else in our bed then lied about it. I should have expected this.  How could I have been so blind.  I bloody hate him!"

Q began reiterating the entire fiasco to Moneypenny.  From suspecting that Alec was fucking someone else, trying to ignore it, to his discovery earlier today and Alec not denying it and acting like it was nothing at all.   

"He's a bastard Q! Bloody Double O's.  They're all toddlers!" Moneypenny covered his hand with hers as he stroked Amelie's ears more in comfort to himself then the cat.  "You know you're welcome to stay here as long as you want. We'll find a way to get even with him."

Q continued to mutter hateful words what a bastard Alec is as he finally dozed off exhausted from the hours he had put in at work and emotionally drained.  

Moneypenny waited a few minutes for Q to be deep asleep before she grabbed up her mobile, snuck out of bed and headed into the kitchen. She hurried sent a angered text. "Do you have any fucking clue to what you have done!"

"He's there alright?" Alec quickly replied.  

"As if that matters to you!  Bastard!   He was the best thing that ever happened to you." Moneypenny shot back at Alec.  

"This is between Q and I, Moneypenny.  Stay out of it."

"Not anymore. There is no Q and you anymore if you hadn't noticed yet.  You gave up that claim."  Moneypenny waited for another reply from Alec but none came.  "He cared for you Alec.  Was more than willing to put up with all your shite.  But you hurt him.  No one hurts Q, Alec."

Alec stared at his phone for a long time, finishing off the wine. Moving on to the vodka. Several times he picked it up to call Q but tossed it back onto the sofa and returned to drinking.  If Moneypenny was on guard he had little chance of a reasonable conversation.  
  
He knew he'd been an idiot to bring the kid here, but when the little twink crawled into the back of his cab and made it clear he was happy to continue where they left off in the club, Alec thought why the fucking hell not?    
  
He had been buzzing from the mission.    Assassinations built all of the adrenaline with none of the release of violence. Cold, clean, calculated. And still coiled in his muscles, wound tight in his head. He needed release and the kid literally begged for it...  
  
"Fuck!" Even Alec knew that picking up a target and fucking them in a hotel room while undercover was a lot different to deliberately seeking out company once back on home soil with the mission officially ended. The first, Q would tolerate. Didn't like, didn't acknowledge, but accepted that out in the field every asset was utilised.  Fuck, even Alec could see this was different but it was just sex.  
  
He trudged heavily upstairs and made the bed with fresh sheets but once done he couldn't bear to climb in. He returned to the sofa and flicked listlessly through the channels until the alcohol made him doze.


	5. Chapter 5

“Q, love.” Moneypenny gave him a gentle shake trying to stir some life into her friend, her best friend at work.  “I’m heading into work.”

“Work?” At least that is what she thought the mumbled response she received was saying as blurry unseeing unfocused eyes appeared from under the duvet.

“I just wanted to let you know I was heading in Q.  Spend the day in bed if you want or you know where things are in the flat. “She reached down and ruffled his already disastrous curls.  “No coming in today.  Day off remember.  
A slender hand snaked out from under the blankets, giving her hand a squeeze.  “Ta Evie…. For the intrusion.  Didn’t have any place else to go.”

“It’s alright Q.  Here is where you belong and you know you are always welcome.  We’ll work this out.  I’ll even shoot him for you if you would like.”   Moneypenny sat down on the bed next to him.  Amelie seizing this as an opportunity to allow her other human to scratch her ears immediately crawling into Moneypenny’s lap.

“Too messy, Evie.  Blood and everything you know.” Q sighed.  “I’ll call Tanner later and get things in the works to find a new vetted flat.  Don’t want to impose.”

“Not imposing, love.  But just be warned.  We are going out tonight for dinner, at least.  No sulking around the flat.”   Moneypenny ran lightly down the stairs to the lobby of her building and almost collided with Alec coming through the front doors.  She stopped him with a firm hand in the centre of his chest, furiously attempting to push him back they way he had just come.  

"No! You are not seeing him!  You leave him alone Alec, he does not want to see you. If you attempt to go up there I'll... I'll have you arrested!"

Alec grinned down at the scowling woman.  "Oh come on Evie" he wheedled "It'll all seem like nothing this morning.  We're good together and he knows that."

Moneypenny snarled at him taking a hard swipe at his arm.  "What he knows is that you're a lying, cheating bastard who does not deserve him, and who betrayed him in the worst way possible!"  She brandished her mobile.  "If you don't leave now I'll call someone and have you removed.  In fact..."  She dialled, stepping purposefully in his way so he couldn't pass.

  "Ok, ok, I'm going, but he better answer his phone to me Eve.  Hiding in your flat won't solve anything!"

Q dozed off again with Amelie kneading her paws in his hair but he was too tired to care at the moment.  He just wanted to sleep and forget the last day or two for now.  There would be enough time to deal with all the shite later.  
Sometime later a mobile began to ring off registered in his sleep fuddle head somewhere off in the distance.  Slender hand snaked out from under the duvet to at all three of his mobile lying on the bedside table.   Without even looking at the number on the mobile he had finally deciphered was ringing he answered.  “This is Q.

” “Q. Moneypenny wouldn’t let me in to see you. “ Alec started “We need to talk.”

“Fuck off Alec!” Q shoved Amelie away, wide awake now sitting up in the bed.  “I do not have anything to say to you.”

“Let me in Q.  We need to talk about this face to face.’

“What do you not understand about fuck off, Alec?!  There is nothing to talk about. I would think that you are a bastard is a simple concept.”

"I'm not leaving.  Let me take you to lunch.  Apologise properly."  Alec tried, leaning against the external door.  He listened for any signs of movement beyond but could hear nothing.    
Q stumbled out of bed and began to pace the bedroom under the watchful eye of Amelie.  "Apologise for what exactly, Alec?  Go on!  How exactly will a pub lunch make up for the fact you have destroyed everything?  That you've chased me from the one place I felt safe and secure?"  

"I haven't chased you from anywhere.  You left of your own accord."  Alec ignored the strangled sound Q made and continued quickly.  "Please Q.  Come home."

"No! I no longer have a home thanks to you.  Home should be a sanctuary.  The place I can go to escape all the shite of work, all the craziness of missions and death and destruction, and irresponsible agents who can't help..."  Q was standing on the opposite of the door now, ranting into his phone.  He stopped with his hand on the locked door.  "You ruined it" he sighed sadly.  "I knew Alec.  Suspected anyway, but as long as you were discreet and didn't give me cause to be sure, I could ignore it."  Alec stood on the other side of the door listening… listening to Q fall apart, furious and emotional.  “You have no fucking clue at all Alec.   Home and…” He started to say ‘you’ but stopped himself abruptly.  “That small area of a flat was the only thing I had to myself, a small minuscule bit.  The rest of me is poured into Queen and Country.  And now thanks to you not being able to keep your fucking cock in your pants, I don’t even have that now.”

“Please at least open the bloody door, Q.  Do you really want Moneypenny’s neighbors to hear all of this?”  Alec tried the door handle again hoping that he could jostle it open but of course Q had secured Moneypenny’s flat in a similar way the their own.   “Q please.”  
Q suddenly jerked the door open.  “Inside now!  Bloody say what you think you need to say and then fucking leave.”

Alec crossed the threshold, grin not quite so cocky as usual,  tread careful and get Q out of the flat.  Moneypenny's flat was hostile territory, they needed somewhere neutral.  "Not the pub then.  Anywhere you like Q.  No expense spared."

Q glared at him incredulously.  "You really think you can fucking fix this with a lunch date and an apology.  You're unbelievable, Alec. A fucking crass wanker!"  Q was still holding the phone with the call connected.  His own harsh tone echoed weakly back at him from their handset.  He disconnected and marched into the kitchen, with Alec trailing him.  "Do you have any clue how much I hate you right now?"

"Q, I am sorry. It won't happen again."

Q whirled around.  "You're damn right there, Alec.  You won't get the opportunity to hurt me again.  I genuinely thought you cared about me.  Even when I suspected you were fucking around on me I convinced myself I was wrong.  That you wouldn't fucking do that because we had something." Q shook with anger, tried to steady his voice, waving his mobile at the taller man.   "You moved in, Alec.  I thought that was a fucking commitment of sorts."

"I do care.  Of course I do." Alec reached out to the angry young man, only to be slapped away.  "Come back to the flat.  We'll talk, go out to dinner later, sort it all out in our own space."

“Now I understand what was going on Alec.  You moved in because Bond kicked you out, again. You needed a place to stay.   How could I be so stupid?!” the young man began to pace Moneypenny’s living room.   “Such a fucking idiot.  And you think I will actually believe that you won’t do it again.”

“Q, it wasn’t that way.  Just come back to our own space and we can sort this out.  I know we can.”

Q whirled around on him again about ready to throw his mobile at Alec.  “We don’t have OUR own space.  The flat is yours.   Tanner will find me another vetted flat.”

Alec tried to step closer to him again thinking if he could just get a hold of Q he could calm the younger man down, but Q pulled away from him again pushing Alec’s hand away as it got closer to his arm.  “Leave Alec.  Leave now!  You’ve said nothing to make anything better.” Q waved a hand towards the door, swallowing hard to try to stave off the harsh emotions that were trying to surface.  “I’ll text you when I need to be at the flat to box my things and when the movers will be coming.  Please at least have the courtesy to not be around while I am trying to pack.”

Alec's frustration grew, the more Q paced.  "I can't believe you're throwing everything away over something that meant nothing" he snapped as he headed for the door.  "For someone who claims he cares, you're letting this go very easily."  He threw up his hands in defeat, halting any further attack from Q, and walked to the door with his shoulders hunched.  "Call me when you're ready to talk."

The door slammed behind him and Q sank into the sofa.  His entire body was shaking with anger and emotion.  Alec didn't understand.  He simply didn't realise how devastating a blow he's dealt their relationship and Q was beginning to doubt he had ever cared at all.  He rubbed his hands over his face, pushing his fingers behind his glasses to press the tips over his aching eyeballs.

He sat there for a long time, staring vacantly at the wall while thoughts and plans, life's ongoing practicalities, tumbled through his mind.  Eventually he gave a heavy sigh and picked up his phone to call Tanner.  It would take a few days to find him a new home.  May as well get the rest of his life underway.


	6. Chapter 6

Tanner answered his phone and from the background noise Q could tell he was in TSS.  "Tanner. I need for the you to start the process to find me a new vetted flat.  And I would appreciate that this be a fairly one sided conversation at the moment so my entire staff doesn't know all of my personal issues."  
  
"Alright.  But I don't understand the issue with the original." Tanner asked trying to be vague.  "Seemed ideal to me."   
  
"Tanner please.   Sometime later I'll explain it all.  Just change the records to show that the flat is assigned to Trevelyan and find me someplace new.  The sooner the better."   
  
"Alright Quartermaster.  And for now?"  Tanner the questioned wondering if he needed to find temporary suitable space.     
  
"I'm at Moneypenny's.  And before you ask, I'm fine Tanner.  I'll be in tomorrow morning." Q sighed hoped that maybe if he was back at work he could throw himself into R&D for a while and forget his fucked up life.     
  
"You're supposed to be off three days Q." Tanner tried to chide him.   
  
"I know.. I know Tanner. Please.  Just indulge me this time.  It's needed."  He could hear Moneypenny's voice in the background saying something to Tanner.  She would have Tanner plotting against him in no time.      
  
"Whatever you say Quartermaster.  I'm on it."  

Q quickly sent off a text to Moneypenny.  "If you are plotting behind my back with Tanner you will regret it.  I am in your flat all alone.  I can do anything."

"You wouldn't dare!" Evie text back immediately.  

"Bring dinner home.  Not going out.  That involves putting on trousers which I am not capable of doing today."  Q sighed as he continued to texts wandering back towards the bedroom.   "I am allowed one day to wallow in my sorrow and not leave the bed."

"Yes. Yes, you are Q.  I'll bring wine too.  Drown your sorrows."   Moneypenny would commiserate with her young friend but she would not let him become too morbid in his hurt, keep him looking forward.

"And chocolate too Evie.  Might as well be utterly devastated today.  The fiasco that my life is starts tomorrow when I have to face TSS again."  Q crawled back under the duvet with Amelie quickly following immediately starting to work a nest with her paws next to him.  Q's mobile pinged with an incoming text. "Fuck..." he glanced at it with a sigh. It was from Alec.  Ignoring it he quickly buried his mobile under a pillow. "He's such a bloody bastard, Amelie.  He has...  Bloody fuck.  How did I let myself care so deeply."

Moneypenny returned to the flat in the early evening bearing take away, wine and chocolate as promised. She sighed when she found Q curled up fast asleep on the sofa, fingers resting lightly on Amelie's back.  "He's not going to like this" she said quietly to the cat when she squinted at her lazily, "but maybe it's for the best right now.  Food first, then I'll break the news."   
  
By the time she laid out the pizzas, garlic sauce, wedges and opened the bottle of wine, Q was stirring, sniffing appreciatively like his cat.  "Romano's pizza.  Bloody hell, I must be in a bad way if you allow this shite into your flat, much less past your lips."   
  
"I know it's your favourite" she commented, dropping a brief kiss on top of his head as she passed "and I think you might need it."  She returned with plates and glasses. Poured the wine. Smiled at the dribble of rich greasy pizza sauce that ran down his chin.   
  
"I hope Tanner finds me a new place close to here. I could comfort eat this indefinitely."  He picked a small piece of unidentifiable meat from his slice and offered it to Amelie.  She sniffed at it delicately then turned away. "Probably wise baby."   
  
They ate in silence until most of the food was gone. Moneypenny cleared away and returned with a second bottle of wine and rattled a box of Maltesers. "If they'll fit."   
  
He smiled and patted the sofa beside him inviting her to curl up with the box between them.  "I thought you were never coming back. You were late. M should not keep you back after hours."   
  
"Q, about Alec..."   
  
Q shrank away a little. "He came around. I shouldn't have let him in, but..."   
  
"When? What did he say?"  Maybe she didn't need to be the bearer of bad news after all...   
  
"Earlier. He offered a pathetic apology which I rejected and he left." Q hid the pain behind his wine glass.   
  
"Was that it?" Moneypenny asked, anxiety on her face. When he nodded she reached for his hand. Squeezed his fingers.  "Q? He's been sent out again. He left this afternoon."

 


	7. Chapter 7

Neither of them had tried to contact each other even though Alec had been out in the field for three days, with R as his handler.  Q had decided to venture back to the empty flat.  Tanner was having difficulties finding "just the proper" place for the Quartermaster to reside, so he had decided to put most of his things into storage for now.  Between Moneypenny's and the sofa in his office, he had a place to reside for now.  And if it came down to it, he could always take over one of MI6's safe houses as temporary housing.     
  
Q hesitated at the floor door of his flat... No Alec's flat now, before unlocking the securities and stepping into the darken foyer.  Moneypenny had offered to come with him this evening to pack but this was something he needed to do on his own.  Finalize it in his own mind.   
  
He slowly wandered through the flat flicking lights on lost in thought.  He avoided their... the master bedroom, not ready to face that issue yet.  On the lower level, he pulled out the storage boxes that he had saved from when he had initially moved into the flat and toted them up to the kitchen.  Instead of starting to gather his things together, he grabbed a glass and one of the chilled bottles out of the freezer and flopped down on a chair at the kitchen counter.     
  
He sat there in silence just staring out into the main living room.  Nothing had been moved since the last time he had been there with the exception that Alec had cleaned up the evidence of drinks with his "old friend."   With a deep breath, Q grabbed his drink and headed out into the garden just off the kitchen to remove himself from the vivid thoughts of the fight that had ensued there.  He needed perspective.   
  
Surrounded by the sounds of the city and the filtered light, his thoughts drifted to the garden around him, how just recently he had stood in the garden doorway making fun of Alec who was pottering around with the foliage oddities that were threatening to take over the area.   
  
"Fuck..." Q signed downing his drink in one go.  "Bloody bastard.  Why did you make me love you..."  He would miss the garden.  Never thought he would say that about a load of leaves and flowers.  He had rarely ventured out of the kitchen door before Alec had made it their place to relax in.  A private haven.  He sighed heavily and returned to the flat.   
  
Packing alone was necessarily selective, taking only those things that meant the most to him and that could not be replaced.  He piled books into a box along with his personal gun nestled into its case.  Spare glasses were retrieved from the kitchen counter and a couple of toys for Amelie.  They didn't have much in the way of personalisation in the flat.  No ornaments or pictures.  Somehow they managed to make it their own simply by being in it.     
  
The feel of home still lingered even broken as they were.  Q sighed and poured another large drink, swallowing it down in big gulps and looking towards the stairs.  "Fuck!  I should have brought Moneypenny..."  The lump in his throat grew harder to shift.  He drank more to will it away.  All he needed now was his clothes.  Clothes meant their bedroom.  For that he needed fortification.  He carried the bottle with him.   
  
While the flat was largely neutral, the bedroom was full of them.  Alec had redressed the bed in bedding they had chosen together.  They had joked at the time about it being a sign they were now a couple if they chose domestic furnishings together.  A single photo sat on Q's bedside table.  Alec sitting on a stool in Q-branch watching Q work, completely oblivious to the soppy look on his face.  Moneypenny had snapped it on her phone and sent it to Q.  Q, finding it hilarious, had printed it and put it in a frame.   
  
"You are such a fucking bastard Alec.  How could you fuck someone else and not give a damn? What the fuck did I do to deserve that?"   Q dropped the picture on the floor, grinding it under his heel until the glass broke, and then he kicked it under the bed out of sight.  He drank from the bottle and began to haul open wardrobe doors, drawers, randomly piling his clothing in the centre of the too neat bed. 

 


	8. Chapter 8

"You didn't come home last night Q."  Moneypenny looked him over as she perched on the corner of his desk reaching over to push his face upwards two fingers underneath his chin.  "You eyes look terrible... And hungover."  
  
"Shut it Moneypenny.  You are not my mum." He snarled at her pushing her hand away.  "Packing was a little more... Difficult than expected."   
  
"I offered you know and how dare you imply that I could possibly be old enough to be your mum, you little shite.  I know where you sleep remember."   
  
"Not last night.  Woke up early this morning in a pile of clothes in the bedroom floor with an empty bottle  beside me." He didn't dare tell her he also woke up wrapped in Alec's favourite blue jumper just because it smelled like Alec.     
  
"Well tonight, you are getting a good night's sleep because tomorrow night we are going out." Moneypenny started to push pieces of Q's latest R&D project around on this desk, as she plotted in her head, earning herself a gentle smack to her hand.     
  
"I'm not doing any such..."   
  
"Old friends have invited me over for dinner and drinks.  You are my plus one for the evening."  She had jumped down from his desk and was already halfway out his office door before he could protests too mug.  "No arguing Q.  You're going.  Casual dress.  I'll choose your attire.  No cardigan!"   
  
"Where is the green shirt, Q?  It would go great with those black jeans... Oh no, try that one... Yes, the grey polo..."  Q rolled his eyes and pulled at the scrap of grey that spilled out of one of the black bin bags he had used to transport his clothing back to Moneypenny's flat.  Tired and hungover he had bundled the entirety of his rumpled wardrobe into three plastic sacks, ignoring the cab driver's curious looks as he stuffs them into the boot.  The sacks, and his single box of possessions, were now piled untidily in the corner of Moneypenny's bedroom.   
  
"How casual is casual?" He grumbled.  Q's preferred version of casual dining involved pyjama pants and take away, but Moneypenny was insistent.  They were going out.  He had pouted and sulked.  Pleaded upset and heartbreak. But, Moneypenny simply smiled and handed him fresh underwear and a towel, pushing him towards the bathroom.  In the time he had taken to shower she had dressed in slim black trousers and a sapphire blue silk shell blouse and smoothed her hair into a casual loose clip.   
  
"The jeans will be fine, but you need the shirt.  Actually... You need the green, it brings out your eyes."  She found it and whirled out of the bedroom to run an iron over it.  Once he was dressed she leaned in and kissed his cheek.  "You look great.  We're going to have a lovely evening.  You'll enjoy it."   
  
The taxi took them to a smart little double fronted townhouse in Lambeth that had been converted to a bistro.  Moneypenny led him up the steps to the wide black front door that stood open.  "Relax, you'll be fine" she giggled at his anxious look.  "Tilly is lovely, we worked together for two years.  And Neera is probably your kind of girl." She laughed "loves her gadgets.  Hopefully the others can join us too.  Evan will be here; he won't miss champagne cocktails.  Pieter promised to come if he could..." Sensing his nerves she stopped.  "Just drinks and dinner Q, with good people.  I've known them for years and they're all eager to meet you.  My gorgeous clever computer geeky friend."

"We'll discuss later just how much I am hating you right now Moneypenny." Q sighed as she snakes her arm though his dragging him along with her.    
  
"Oh you know you love me.  And you need this, love.  Whether you know it or not, you do."   She pressed a quick kiss to his cheek just as tall brunette yelled at her from across the way, waving a glass in the air.     
  
"Eve!  You made it."  The brunette made her way over to Eve and Q.   
  
"Tilly!  How could you think I would miss a chance to catch up on the latest gossip and drinks?" Eve leaned in for a quick hug and customary kisses.     
  
Tilly stepped back with a questioning look, "And who is this dark haired cutie hiding behind you looking like he is ready to make his escape?"  Tilly stepped around Moneypenny to get a better look at Q who rolled his eyes at her.     
  
"This is Zaquary. And before you start undoing the buttons on your shirt trying to make an impression Tilly, he's not even in the remotest interested."      
  
"Too bad."  Tilly smirked. "I bet we can find you some entertainment though." As she pulled Q towards the table where the others were seated.     
  
Q looked to Moneypenny for help with a 'please save me face' just to be laughed at and waved on.   "No arguing with Tilly, love.  You'll never win.

"Everyone, this is Zaquary, Eve's friend."  Tilly had somehow attached herself to Q's elbow and was intent on steering him into a seat at the far side of the table.  He dropped into the chair between a petite Indian woman and a slim black guy in a dark plum shirt.  
  
"Pieter" he introduced himself, holding out his hand for Q to shake "welcome.  Ignore Tilly, she's very excitable." He grinned up at the bouncing woman.  "She's been speculating about you for... Weeks, is it Tills?"   
  
"Don't listen to him Zaquary" Tilly kissed him on the cheek.  "Wine? You'll drink wine, with us, yes?  Or would you prefer something different?"   
  
Agreeing wine was fine, and casting another "help" look in Moneypenny's direction, Q settled in to get to know Moneypenny's friends.  Pieter was charming, polite, intelligent.  "I'm a financial consultant, which is definitely as boring as it sounds" he quipped, filling Q's glass with Merlot "But as a sideline I dabble in art."   
  
"Creating it or selling it?" Q asked, sipping from his glass.     
  
"Selling it to the highest bidder" the square brown haired man across from Q chuckled.  "Pete likes to pretend he's sophisticated, but he's only interested in making money.  Evan Harford.  PA" he waggled his eyebrows.  "Yes, I type and make phone calls and arrange meetings.  Not as glamorous, but it's honest toil."  He grinned at Q who found himself grinning back.  "And you are Zaquary, computer genius and Evie's drinking partner when she isn't with us."

"Oh god please don't label me as Evie's drinking partner.  Everyone will think I am an utter alcoholic." Q laughed as Moneypenny gave him "the look."  
  
"Ahh, you do know our lovely Moneypenny well then I see." Evan jokes with him taking a drink of his wine.     
  
"Too many evenings collecting umbrellas out of fruity drinks with Evie on her mission to get me out into the real world."     
  
"Computers?  You'd get along well with Neera." He nodded towards a woman sitting next to Tilly. "She's our computer geek.   Specialisation?"   
  
"A little bit of everything." Q responded hoping to not get quizzes anymore than that.     
  
"Understood.  PA for MP. Recognise the genetic avoidance in answering. Government job. Say no more."  Evan offered.   
  
Q bantered back and forth with Evan and the others seated around him relaxing and actually enjoying himself more as the night went on and more wine and small plates were consumed.

At the end of the night the giggling pair stumbled towards a taxi with Evan and Tilly in tow.  Tilly was bending Moneypenny's ear about some mutual acquaintance leaving Q to lag behind with the other man.  
  
"Zaquary...?" Evan braved as they approached the taxi rank.  He places a hand on Q's forearm forcing the other man to stop.   
  
"Yes?"  He was aware of the appreciative glances Evan had been giving him all evening.  At first it had been embarrassing, but when it became clear there was no agent to follow him, Zaquary became less wary.   
  
"It would be good to get together.  Over time... A point in the not too distant future" Evan said.  "If you would like?" He smiled at Q and Q found he was smiling back.   
  
Evan was fun, interesting, and very not Alec.  The stress of the previous week had lessened slightly over the course of the evening, the more wine he had enjoyed.  "I'd like that" Q nodded, and then on impulse "Do you like the theatre? I have two tickets..."   
  
"Let me guess... Highbrow theatre rather than west end show?" Evan teased.  "You don't strike me as the Andrew Lloyd Webber sort."   
  
"Well, it's a Greek tragedy, so I guess...?"   
  
"I'd love to" Evan said as they folded themselves into the back seat.  "Here, let me put my number in your phone.  Text me in the morning?" He chuckled. "If you still want.... "   



	9. Chapter 9

"Which shirt Evie?" Q pleaded with her holding up a light sea blue and a forest green shirt.     
  
"For someone going on a "not date" you are terribly concerned about what he is wearing.  The green one" she added smirking at him.     
  
"It isn't a date. I had two tickets because I'd purchase them before Alec decided to cock things up."  He threw back at her.  "Didn't want to waste them or go by myself. "   
  
"You didn't ask me to go. You asked Evan." She teased him straightening his collar for him.     
  
"You..." He started poking a finger at her.  "Just shut it Moneypenny.  And don't expect any details later.  It's just a "non date".   
  
"If you say so love.  But dinner at John Salt before theatre afterwards is a date in my thoughts."  Grabbing a brush she fussed at his hair which would not behave at all.     
  
Q shoved her hands away he began to shove his phone, wallet, keys etc into his trouser pockets.  "Stop!  No more fussing or I'll not be there on time."

Evan was already at a table when Q entered the bar.  He waved and stood to greet Q with a smile, a brief hug and a small kiss on his cheek.  Q sat quickly to hide the faint blush that pinked his cheeks.    
  
"Shall we get a sharer?" Evan asked, "or do you prefer individual plates?"  He scanned the options, reading a few out loud.   
  
"That one is always good" Q commented. "It's Alec's fav-  Sorry." He apologised quickly, mentally kicking himself.  This wasn't a date.  He was allowed to slip up.   
  
Evan squeezed Q's forearm briefly and smiled.  "It's fine.  Eve mentioned you'd broken up recently." He leaned forward and whispered.  "Between you and me, I'm not sure if she wanted to warn me off or set me up to be your rebound fuck, but either way, I'm happy to be here."   
  
Q groaned and hid his face in his hands. "Oh god, that would be so like Evie.  I'm so sorry..."   
  
"I'm not" Evan chuckled.  "I get to spend the evening with a cute guy.  Dinner and theatre.  Good conversation, a few laughs.  If you want to cry on my shoulder later...?"   
  
Q blushed harder but giggled.  He was fairly sure Evan didn't mean crying at all, but he wasn't ready to move on quite so readily.  "Let's order". He said instead with a smile.  "The sharer is good."

Dinner was comfortable and the theatre outing was a success also.  Q and Evan chatted animatedly as the exited the building with the rest of the theatre goers.   "I do so love the theatre," Q commented still thoroughly enamoured with this play they had just seen. "Never enough free time to attend as much as I would to."  
  
"Maybe we can do this again sometime.  I enjoyed it immensely.  Evan added.  "I don't seem to have anyone to attend things such as this."  Evan's hand gently grasped Q's elbow guiding him through the crowd.  "Don't mean to presume Zaquary, but it has been a good even at least for me."   
  
"It has for me too."  Q smiled up at him as they made their way to the edge of the crowd. "Let's not tell Eve though that the evening was nice. She'd never let either of us have any peace about it."   
  
Evan and Q shared a cab home dropping Q off first.  When Q gave the cabbie his address, it garnered a raised eyebrow from Evan.  "Sounds a little familiar.  Evie's address?"   
  
"Yes," Q admitted with a sigh. "In between flats at the moment," avoiding adding because my former boyfriend was an utter cock and I moved out.  "Evie has been kind enough to take me and my cat in until I find something."   
  
"Well you have my sympathy because I think you are going to get questioned by her a lot more than I am."  Evan smirked at him knowing exactly how persuasive Eve could be when she wanted information.   
  
"It's been a good evening, Zaquary" Evan commented when they pulled up in front of Eve's building.  "Do it again soon?" Giving Q's hand a squeeze and a small kiss on the cheek before he exited the cab.   
  
"I think I'd like that.   I'll call."  Before closing the cab door and heading up to Moneypenny's flat with a smile on his face.  


Moneypenny was in the kitchen nursing a glass of wine and flicking through a magazine.  "You're grinning" she observed, pushing the bottle towards him.  He tried to stop while he fetched a glass but the corners of his mouth insisted on turning up.  "It went well? Tell me everything about this 'not date'."  
  
"It was a very pleasant evening."  He poured a glass and took a sip, grimacing at the dryness.  "Couldn't you open the red? This stuff is like paint stripper."   
  
"Beggars can't be choosers, and stop changing the subject.  If you don't tell me, Evan will.  He's a right gossip, worse even than you after a few drinks."   
  
Q sighed, knowing she wouldn't leave him alone unless he gave her something.  A night in a shared bed with her poking at his shoulder demanding details didn't sound appealing at all.  "He's great company and we have a lot in common. I plan to see him again.  There, is that what you want to know?"   
  
Moneypenny scowled.  "It's a start.  So...?" Punching his shoulder at his deliberately blank look.  "Was there snogging?"   
  
"No!  Evie!  I love you dearly but please don't interfere.  Ten days, that's all, since Alec and I split." He snapped.  "I could give you it in hours probably.  I'm not ready to think of someone else yet in that context, and if you dare mention rebound relationships, or having sex to get some kind of revenge then I swear you and I will fall out!"   
  
"But he is good looking?  And fun?  And you will call him again?"  She gave him a knowing look. "You only get pissy with me when you know I'm right."   
  
Q threw up his hands in exasperation.  "Yes!  For god's sake Evie..."   
  
She leaned towards him, offering her cheek for him to kiss.  "Say thank you, Evie, and I'll shut up for the night."   
  
"Now that sounds a good deal" he growled giving her a peck on the cheek.  "Thank you, Evie."

 


	10. Chapter 10

Two weeks passed rather quickly.  Work had become a nightmare with multiple agents out in the field on pressing missions.   Finding a new flat had taken a back seat to everything else and Q had spent most of the time recently crashing on the sofa in his office with one of two nights sharing a bed at Moneypenny's. Mumbling in total denial that he just needed 20 more minutes of naptime  here and there before dropping off into comatose sleep  
  
Thursday later afternoon is personal mobile pinged with a text message.  Evan.  "Did I make that bad of an impression?"  
  
Q couldn't help but smirk.  "Of course not.  Work has been hellacious." He sent back.    
  
"I know we left it that you would call but I have a free night and really don't relish the thought of eating alone again.  Dinner?"  
  
He was interrupted by a question from one of his techs before he could text back and his mobile pinged again   "Apologies. Presumptuous on my part.  You do still eat don't you?"  
  
"Sorry. Work. Of course I do.  Tonight?  I could walk away for a while from here." He texted back before he could get interrupted once again.  Then he quickly added.  "Meant to call. Work. Me. Still trying to wrap head around break up."  
  
"8 pm alright?  Will make reservation and text address."  
  
"Perfect."  Q shoved his mobile back in his trousers.  He knew he really wasn't ready to jump into anything but dinner with Evan would be nice. A few hours to not think about MI6.  And to not think about what an idiot he was for feeling and not being able to keep Alec.    


* * *

  
Alec was cold and exhausted and more than frustrated that his mark had eluded him again. Another fucking pointless day waiting around with too much time on his hands. Too much time to think.  
  
"I'm signing off for a few" he growled at R who was frankly glad to be rid of the agent.  
  
"Need you back by 6" she warned but the connection was already broken.  
  
The rooms he had were piss poor but for an extra sum the old bitch let him draw a hot bath. She leered and looked him up and down as he passed, jabbering to him in poor Russian. Finally clean and barely warmed through he headed back out into the city.  
  
The bar was underground in more than the literal sense. Dark and brooding. Perfect for his mood. He ordered vodka and tried not to see the other patrons and their companions.  Boys with dead eyes mostly. Probably high.  
  
 He drank steadily and let himself think about home. Two days till he was back in London and had to sort things out with Q if the little shite would talk to him. The stool beside him scraped back and a stringy blonde kid sat down beside him grinning and reaching for his hand.  
  
 "Fifty" he squeaked. "All night."  
  
Alec tossed twenty at him, downed his drink and left. He had better places to think.  


* * *

  
Q had officially pushed to the back of his mind Alec's mission.  R had handled the entire mission flawlessly,  he assumed.  He knew she was perfectly capable of handling anything that came up and would ask if she needed assistance.  Consequently it never occurred to him that Alec was due back on home soil within the next 12 hours. As a matter of fact, he was trying to ignore everything in his life that had involves Alec, not necessarily being successful but he was trying.    
  
And that was what had brought him to the having dinner with Evan again.  A night out with someone not involved in the working of MI6. Someone who he could just be himself with and not the Quartermaster.  And the more he thought about it that in itself was something reassuring, because with Alec he had never been able up to their breakup to ever not completely let go of his Quartermaster self.  He always lurked in the background somewhere.    
  
Q has spent an evening of shared small plates, drinks and relaxing conversation about nothing general with Evan.  Two and a half hours with no interrupting phone calls from work, a noteworthy experience.   Q stood outside the restaurant with Evan still chatting when his mobile pinged in his pocket... Evie.  
  
"Just wanted to give you heads up.  Alec is back on home soil. Had a lovely conversation. Looking for you."  
  
Q sighed and shoved it back into his pocket, thinking he would have to face Alec sometime, but then his work mobile began to ring. R.  
  
"Is everything in order, Q?" She asked quietly, telling him she was trying not to be overheard by the rest of the department.  Apart from Moneypenny and Tanner, R was the only one at MI6 to know anything was amiss.  "006 was on an hour ago with Patrick demanding your location.  I'm sorry..."  
  
Q groaned and scanned the dark street. Sure enough a familiar black Range Rover was parked down the road. Q glared at the unseen driver. "It looks like he got what he wanted" he muttered.  "It's fine.  I'll leave you to deal with Patrick. Thank you."  
  
"Everything ok?" Evan asked looking concerned. Q's relaxed demeanour was gone and in its place a tense, controlled set to his features.  
  
"My partner. Ex partner" Q gestured down the street at the row of parked cars. "Back in town."  
  
Evan raised an eyebrow,  "Bit of a stalker?  Do you want me to escort you home?"  He looked past Q, trying to see a driver, but all cars were in shadow.  "Is he violent?"  
  
"No, nothing like that" Q said, suddenly angry. Alec had no bloody right seeking him out like this. Attempting an ambush.  His shoulders slumped and he looked up at the other man with an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry our evening has ended on a sour note.  I really did have a lovely time."  
  
"But it won't happen again...?" Evan asked sadly, certain of the answer.  
  
Q was torn. On the one hand he was fairly sure he didn't want to pursue a relationship with Evan but he did enjoy his company. He could relax and forget Alec for a while, just have fun.  Whatever Alec wanted, he had no right to dictate what Q did anymore.  
  
 "Why would it not?" He asked with a small smile.  "Saturday? If you're free for dinner?"  
  
Evan beamed at him. "If you're sure it isn't going to be a problem?  Text me to confirm after... You know..."  
  
They said their goodbyes, Evan leaning in to give Q a brief kiss on the cheek before he headed in the opposite direction.  Q waited until he turned the corner before he strode briskly towards the parked car.  "This is so fucking out of order Alec" he muttered, cursing the man under his breath.  
  
He was still ten feet from the car when Alec stepped from the shadows in front of him. "Get in the fucking car Q. We need to talk."  
  
Q stopped abruptly at Alec’s suddenly appearance.  “Fucking should have known..” he muttered to himself.   “I am not getting in any bloody car with you Alec.  And there is nothing to talk about.”  
  
“Who was that Q?” Alec started to close the distance between them and Q took a step backward.  
  
“None of your business.  But is you must know because I know you will do your damndest to find out, he’s a friend of Moneypenny’s who was gracious enough to take me out to dinner since I don’t think I have had a decent meal in two weeks, let alone seen the light of day.” Q snarled at him regretting having this confrontation in the middle of a darkened street.  
  
“Moneypenny.  Should have known.  Looked like it was a little more than a friend.” Alec growled at him.  “Little closer than just someone to have dinner with.”  
  
“Oh don’t even go there at all Alec.  Need I remind you of your ‘old friend’ who seems to be a lot more than just friends?”  Q threw right back at him.  “Nothing to talk about Alec.” He started to turn and walk back towards the restaurant to get a cab but before he knew it Alec was right behind him and had grabbed onto his arm turning him back around.  
  
"Let. Go. Of. Me."  Q growled, pulling his arm away sharply. "You are fucking lucky I do not have a taser on me Alec. You have no say in my life any more Alec. You fucked that up when you fucked someone else in our bed!"  
  
Alec hung onto his arm until Q stepped in close, snarling in his face "Do not come here demanding I get in your car, insisting we need to talk. We have nothing left to say. The flat is yours and I am moving on with my life.  Fuck you!"  Q shook him off violently and marched away.  
  
Alec watched for a second then strode after him easily matching his pace.  "You are not walking away from us Q. We're even. We can put it all behind us and..."  
  
Q stopped so abruptly Alec was three paces past him before he realised.  "We're even?!" Q repeated.    
  
Alec recognised the chill in his voice normally reserved for the perpetrators of monumental R&D fuck ups.  Common sense said he should walk away, let the situation calm, but...  "You're clearly more than friends, Q. It's fine, I get it. I don't even mind, as long as we can work this out."  
  
"You are un-fucking-believable, Alec. Get out of my way. Do not follow me. Do not call me. Unless it is work related do not even speak to me. This is goodnight, Alec. Go home!"  
  
Q hailed a cab and asked to be let off at an address just down the street from MI6.  He knew he really should go back to Eve’s and sleep, but he was too angry at the moment and he knew she would want every last detail of his dinner and then his confrontation with Alec.  He just couldn’t face her 20 questions right now.  
  
He stormed back into TSS with a brief comment to R before locking himself in his barely lit office to hide.   He was so furious that he couldn’t even resume the project he had been working on before heading out to have dinner with Evan.  
Q’s mobile pinged in his trousers’ pocket and he was tempted to ignore it but when it pinged a reminder again he pulled it out.  It was Evan.  “Just checking that you are alright after ex appearing.”  
  
“Thank you.  I’m fine, back at work.  Dinner was nice.  Will text you soon.”  Q replied as best he could but his hands were still shaking from his raging angry and frustration with Alec.  He was just about to give his mobile a toss on the desk when it pinged again, this time it was text from Alec.  
  
“We need to talk, Q!”     



	11. Chapter 11

This time he did give his mobile a toss on the desk and ignored the text. “Fucking bastard….” Another text followed with another soon afterwards that he didn’t even bother to look at.

Alec returned to the flat, frustrated and angry with both Q and himself. "Well you bloody fucked that up" he muttered as he fetched a bottle from the freezer. He had anticipated that Q would have time to think, but not that he would have found someone else already. It needled at him. Gave him an uneasy feeling in his stomach, like the anticipation of danger around the next corner. He took the bottle back to the sofa, but after a few minutes he wandered back to the kitchen.

The silence of the empty rooms was oppressive. He opened the garden door just to hear the faint sounds of the city, just to feel less alone. He wanted Q. Wanted him here in the flat, even if he was yelling and screaming, because then at least Alec would know he still cared. And Alec needed him to care...

The latest mission still itched. He closed his eyes and recalled the faces and names that would try to haunt him. He knew he would stare back at them, chilling and deadly. He was their terror and what he became when sent to hunt them down, was his.

Q didn't understand. He issued instructions, gave directions, but he never got to see results first hand. He never got to witness Alec the agent. Alec the weapon. Alec the monster...? Alec spared him that.

Q would not understand and would not sleep easily in the same bed if he knew. So Alec took the anger elsewhere, and when it was spent, he came home to Q. In the darkness of the garden Alec let the full weight of the situation bear him down to the stone bench. He had done this to himself. Sabotaged the one relationship that had finally given him some grounding because he couldn't stand to see Q look into him and see the darkness inside. "Fuck!" He scrubbed at his sore eyes. Ignored the moisture that dampened the back of his hand.

* * *

 

Q leaned back in his chair staring at the ceiling of his office barely lit by the light from his monitors. He still seethed with anger that Alec had followed him but he supposed that was to be expected of and ex-boyfriend who happened to be a double 0 agent.

He sat in silence for a long time. No one outside his office would dare to knock on his door now after his entrance back into TSS, with the exception of R. So without even leaving his chair he slid one foot over to open the bottom drawer of the file cabinet with his foot far enough that he could pull out either the hidden bottle of vodka that Alec had stashed there for late nights or the bottle of scotch that Bond had left to join it. If he was going to be stuck in his office, brooding, sleeping on his sofa, might as well ease the pain slightly.

By the time he had downed his third glass, shoved everything off his desk in anger, and set fire to his bin at one point, Q had come to the realization that Alec had no bloody clue as to what had just happened to their relationship. Also he had come to the conclusion that it was his duty to inform him of those very details. Q called for a driver, had them drop him at the flat, and slightly pissed determined to bless Alec with some knowledge that he obviously did not have in view.

Alec was still sitting in the dimly lit garden when the security locks disengaged on the front door and he could hear someone entire the flat. Pulling out his backup weapon still shoved at his back in the waistband of his trousers, he cautiously moved to the inside doorway to where he could get a view inside the kitchen area. “Q? You’re back?” there was a slight hit of hope in Alec’s voice.

“So now you’re going to shoot me, Alec?” Q snarled. “And no, I am not back. But there are things I need to say to you and you need to listen. After that I’m going back to the sofa in my office.”

"I have things to say too" Alec started, settling the gun back in his waistband "if you'll just listen."

Q swayed slightly, slamming the almost empty bottle of Scotch that he'd brought with him onto the counter. "Unless it's a grovelling apology, I don't want to hear it" he snarled at Alec "and actually not even then! You have no fucking realisation what you've done to us, do you?"

"It had nothing to do with you, Q" Alec started.

"It had everything to do with me! My flat, my bed, my partner. My fucking humiliation. What is so wrong with me Alec?” Q wrestled with the cap of the Scotch, freeing it and hurling it across the room towards the bin. It pinged off and rolled to Alec's feet.

"How did I fail you so completely as a lover that you take some nameless 'friend' into my bed and leave the sordid evidence for me to find? Not getting enough, Alec? Not exciting enough? Did he stroke your fucking ego as hard as your cock? What?!" Q stormed to the drainer to fetch a mug. Emptied the scotch into it and swallowed half of it down.

"Do you even fucking care Alec? Or was it just some Double 0 ego trip? You see what you want and take it because you can. Because that's what you do in the field so why should home be any different?"

Alec grabbed a half full bottle of vodka from the counter and refilled his glass. His hand shook. Q had no idea what it was like out there... "It's alright for you, safe in your clean little office, making decisions and issuing instructions and playing with your bloody toys... It's all a bloody tactical game to you Q. You have no fucking idea what it's like out there in the real world where we turn your neat little plans into destruction and devastation. You have no idea how it feels to look into someone's eyes moments before you end their life."

"And what the hell does that have to do with it?"

"Sometimes I need a little bit more than sweet words, Q!"

“More?! More than sweet words! I gave you what you asked of me, Alec.” Q downed the rest of his drink when it finally pierced through his fuddled brain what Alec has just said to him.

“Oh you fucking bastard! You think I’m soft and weak!”

“I didn’t say that!” Alec snarled back half defensive and sure what to do with Q’s anger directed at him. He has seen the Quartermaster at work angry with one of his techs but never the emotions pouring off him now at this level.

“Oh yes you dis Alec! You are such a fucking bastard.” He went to sit his empty glass back on the kitchen counter but instead with a gleam in his eyes gave it a toss towards the sink, shattering it in the basin. “You have no idea about my background and it has just become very apparent to me that you have no clue what I do at MI6 also 99% of the time.”

Alec started to reply but Q just continued to babble on as he began to search for another bottle on the upper shelves in the cupboards. “How many agents do I handle, Alec? How many!” I handle all the Double 0 agents. Well not all of them now,” he waved a hand in the direction of his ex partner,” not you any more of course. And before becoming Quartermaster, I had vast majority of the other lesser field agents to handle. Who is on the end of that comms all the time, Alec? Who works to bring everyone back as much as possible in one piece?”

Alec just stood back and watched as Q began to wander the flat, bottle in hand, ranting at him in a nonstop stream of words.

“You have the advantage Alec of being able to look your mark in the face every mission. I am the one you gets to carry all the numbers for the collateral damage that I have to cause to bring everyone home. A car blown up here or there. A building that catches fire or explodes. Simple. But along with all the unknowns who are left inside that just happen to be collateral damage.” Q rounded on him, hands shaking.

“When it comes down to it Alec, your body count can’t even compare to mine. And I probably spend more time in one day thinking about death than you do in a week… how to either make it happen or to prevent it. You are so fucking blind Alec!’

"But do you love it Q? Does it make you feel alive to have that power in your hands? Because it does me!" Alec's fury was rising along with his voice. "I can clamp my hands around a woman's neck and snap it. I can put a bullet in a man's brain when he's lying injured and begging on the floor. It's fucking... Useful!! And you think I don't feel every one! I do! But I bloody well enjoy it!"

He took a swallow from the bottle, smirking coldly down at Q who was only a few feet away from him. "I need that outlet of violence. I look inside myself at times and I do not like what looks back at me. You would not fucking like to stare into that abyss, Q!" Alec turned his back. "You are so fucking far removed, Q. Even your death tally is just stats. Just numbers on a spreadsheet. Tell me how you feel when there is blood on your hands, hot and sticky and so dark it looks black. Then tell me I'm wrong to keep that from you. To not bring it home. You know nothing of the true violence."

"Really?" The first mug whistled past Alec's ear and smashed against the wall. The second hit him on the shoulder. "No violence. No blood, no pain, no fucking aggression, because Q is not capable of that!"

"For fucks sake, you little-" Alec stopped short when the knife thunked into the wooden floor an inch from his foot. The heavy cooks knife wasn't weighted for throwing. It shouldn't be hefted with such force it could stab into the floor. Nevertheless the pair watched it in angry silence as it vibrated tip deep in the wood. A moment later the heavy handle caused it to clatter to the floor.


	12. Chapter 12

Q spun around from Alec and moved back into the kitchen area. "Oh so I get it now Alec. Q is too soft, weak. Wouldn't understand the darkness in anything." Without hardly even seeing it in time a platter out of the open cupboard went flying by Alec's head crashing to the floor behind him.

"Stop it! You are a fucking little bastard, Q." Alec started to move closer to him until he noticed another butcher knife in the younger man's grasp.

"You do not understand me at all and I thought you did Alec! I was so bloody stupid!" Q paced the kitchen, knife still in hand with the kitchen counter in between himself and Alec. "You have no idea how many years I pushed myself to reach that level of "Caring is not an Advantage" that was spouted at me all the time. To hide what I really felt. To develop that calm collected mask of the Quartermaster that YOU seem to think is all of me. Fuck you Alec."

Q rounded in him ready to fling the butcher knife at him but Alec was right beside him. Had crept up on him while he was emotionally ranting. "Drop it you little shite! If you think I am going to let you stab me, you really are fucking bat shite crazy." Alec snarled cursing in Russian under his breath. He grabbed Q's wrist painfully, twisting, causing him to drop the knife, sending it clattering to the floor at their feet.

"Let me go you bloody fucking bastard!" Q screamed at him. Struggling he swung at Alec with his other hand, fist connected with Alec's temple.

"Fucking little shite!" Alec grabbed his other arm and shoved him hard against the refrigerator. Q's head bounced off the hard surface behind him.

"I'm not coming back to the flat. Not whoring myself out to you since that seems to be what you prefer! I can't do that again. Promised myself... never care..." Drunkenly he stumbled over his words that he was trying to say as he struggled to break free from the Russian's grasp. "... Never do that again. Work is enough. I should have listened to my bloody head when it was trying to get a word in edgewise when my heart was babbling away. I totally lost my perspective. Let me go Alec! What little care I still have left in me will be reserved for Queen and Country."

"You are not leaving me, Q. Not leaving this flat until you understand that this was about protecting you from me! From the rage and pain" Alec had him pinned against the fridge with his lower body, large hands wrapped tightly around Q's wrists holding them above his shoulders in a bruising grip. "And the fucking damage I can cause when I lose control."

"Get off me Alec. Let me fucking go!"

The pair struggled. Q turned his face away from Alec's snarl. "This is not-" "Not what?! Not right? Not fair? Not fucking me?!" Alec laughed bitterly, hot breath tainted with alcohol, panting against Q's cheek. "I don't lay hands on you? Don't leave my mark on you? No! Because you are my fucking Quartermaster, and this is the quickest way for me to spend hours in Psyche."

Q turned and spat, tried to force his body away from the fridge and push Alec off him but the bigger man pressed more painfully against his hips. "Quartermaster, Alec? Because I was under the impression you were my partner, and partners share the bad as well as the good, but good to know where I stand."

Alec released one of his wrists and gripped his lower jaw instead, forcing Q to look at him. "That is not what I meant" trying to hold back the anguish that threatened to engulf him and cursing himself for not being able to find the words to explain to Q "I don't want you to be afraid of me! But you don't see what I need Q. You don't see it and I won't bloody ask, because that is not you."

Q glared back at him and Alec was certain he still didn't understand. He stepped back abruptly, turned and walked away towards the garden door, snatching the bottle of vodka as he passed. Q followed him, still angry, adrenaline running high. "Rough sex, Alec? You think you can fuck the blood and tears away? That's a better option!" The bottle exploded against the garden wall, glass and vodka showering the overgrown border.

"Fuck yes! For me! You may not like it, and I was out of order bringing it here, but fuck yes, it stops me from taking it out on you! But you can't understand and wouldn't even think about it!" Alec's voice cracked and he turned away to hide his broken expression. Q wasn't here to forgive. He was leaving for good and Alec could think of nothing to make him stay.

Q stared at him for a moment. Alec looked defeated, smaller, but Q pushed any flicker of sympathy away. He needed to get out. "You never bloody tried me" he said finally, walking away and leaving Alec in the garden.

By the time the front door closed behind him, Q had silent tears streaking his cheeks. Q made is as far as the tarmac and realized he needed to go somewhere and was in no shape to walk or take the tube. Driver and Car. “Fuck…” he stammered running a hand over his face, under his glasses trying to clear his vision. Couldn’t do that. All of MI6 would know within a day about picking up the Quartermaster pissed and falling apart. Cab. Needed cab.

He pulled out his mobile and called for a cab, promptly sitting his arse on the kerb to wait where Alec could not see him from the flat. When the cab arrived finally, Q gave him the address of Moneypenny’s flat. He didn’t really want to go there but there wasn’t any other option at the moment. The cabbie took off as soon as Q had closed the door, no questions asked but did give him that raised eyebrow look more than likely hoping he would not have a puking drunk is his cab.

He had no idea how rough he really looked after his tussle with Alec. Q laid over in the back seat muttering to himself trying to pull himself back together before he reached Moneypenny’s and her interrogation began. Lost in his head the cabbie had to yell at him a couple of times when they reached Moneypenny’s building. He managed to crawl out of the cab and handed more that was needed to cover his fare to the cabbie.

He made it to the front door of the secured building but that was as far as he brain kept working and there was no way he was going to be able to deal with the code for entrance. His head hurt. His arms hurt. No, everything hurt. And he was pissed.

Reluctantly he pulled out his mobile and dialled, “Evie, please take pity on me and come let me in the front entrance of your building. Incapable at the moment.” As he slid down to sit on the cooling front steps


	13. Chapter 13

Alec heard Q walk away and the front door slam behind him.  He sank into a garden chair and dropped his head into his hands, elbows on his knees. He scrubbed at his eyes, fingers coming away wet. "Fuck..."  How the fuck had he messed this up so badly?  Q was gone again, along with any hope he had that they could ever resolve the mess.  His entire body started to shake.  Q was gone.  He didn't want to come back.  Didn't want him any more...  


"Fuck!  FUCK!!" he screamed into the darkness. Down the road a dog started barking.  He tried to get up and discovered he was more pissed than he realised, falling heavily back into the chair.  It wobbled precariously, tipped and dumped him onto the concrete.  It took a few moments, resting on hands and knees to bring himself to haul himself onto his feet. When he did he pulled a shard of bottle glass out of his hand, watching the blood well from the small cut.    


Eventually he stumbled as far as the kitchen steps and pulled out his mobile.  "Moneypenny...?"  It was her answering service though, her greeting taking far too long to end.  "Moneypenny. Evie...?" he sniffed.  "I didn't mean it... Whatever he tells you, I just want him back.  Fuck... I know I've hurt him.  I was angry and not thinking straight.  Just... tell him.  Please.  I need him back."

* * *

Shaking her head in disbelief, “I’ll be right down.  Do not move.” she ordered. Then switched to the voicemail from the other call that was just coming into her mobile to hear a distraught pissed message from Alec, the other partner in crime.  Moneypenny pulled her coat on over her pyjamas and headed down the lift to retrieve her pissed ‘roommate’.  


Eve stomped out the main entrance door of her building waving her mobile.  “What the fuck was this weeping call I just got from Alec…” she started in until she saw Q sitting of the front steps of the building, hair and clothing all askew.  


“Q?  Alright, love?” Moneypenny sat down on the steps reaching over to turn him towards her.  


Q winced when she pulled on his arm and swayed from being pissed.  “I lost my glasses somewhere Evie.  And Alec doesn’t want me.”  He swallowed hard trying not to sob while they sat on the outside steps.  “Thinks I’m weak, tame… he doesn’t want to fuck me.  We fought Evie. I tried to bloody stab him.  He was not happy.”  Q waved a hand around in the air off balancing enough that he almost tumbled off the step.  


"Ok...  Time to come upstairs to bed, Q"  Moneypenny wrapped a steadying arm around his shoulders and managed to help him to his feet.  He swayed dangerously, taking a step and falling into space until Moneypenny grabbed him and prevented him taking a tumble to the bottom of the steps.  "Let's get you into the flat.  Look at the state of you.  Bloody Double Os... how many times does someone have to clear up after them?"  


Q giggled through the tears.  "I do that.  Always tidy up their messes.  Can't tidy this one.. this one is all Alec's."  he let out a huge sob as she managed to enter the code and open the door, sinking onto the tiled lobby floor.  "I thought he loved me" he wailed.  


Moneypenny rolled her eyes, pulling her coat tightly around her and crouching down level with the dishevelled young man.  "Men!  World's worst at communication.  Come on you... Alec wants you, though after what he's done I have no clue why you would even consider it."  She reached for him again.  His shirt sleeve fell back from his wrist and she noticed the reddened skin already darkening with purple bruises.  "Q?  What's happened here?"  


Q looked at his wrist that was cradled in her hands.  "We had a fight" he repeated sadly.  "He didn't mean to hurt me... Or maybe he did..."  He dissolved into wracking sobs, hugging his wrists close to his stomach until Moneypenny urged him to his feet once more.    


Only half listening to his random babbling, she got him up to the flat and guided him to the bed, taking off his shoes and dragging the covers over his still clothed body.  As an afterthought she placed the washing up bowl on the floor by the bed and sighed.  To push them back together, or keep them apart and urge Q to move on... She really had no idea.

* * *

Late in the afternoon the following day, Q stood at his workstation just completing monitoring a mission for 008.  "There has been a change in your flight arrangements due to inclement weather.  We thought you would prefer a less bumping ride home."  His head ached and he wanted nothing more than to close his eyes for a few moments.   Alcohol induced sleep was not really sleep and there had only been a couple hours of it before Evie was shaking him to wake for work.  
  
"You should be receiving your new arrangements soon."  There was a paper slipped in front of him by one of his team. "And actually, I'm told they are on the way to you now."   
  
"Business class I hope, Quartermaster." The agent chuckled knowing better.   
  
"You have no respect for my budget at all, 008." The Quartermaster quipped right back at him.  "If you are no longer in need of my assistance I will be handing you off at this time.   Quartermaster off comms.  And as always, thank your for your service to Queen and Country."  Q pulled off his headset giving it a toss on his workstation with a sigh.  "I'll be in my office getting reacquainted with my sofa if you need something R."   She waved him off with some comment about waking him if she needed him.     
  
Trying to not lie on his bruised wrists, he has just settled into the space that he had perfecting mushed into the cushions when his mobile pinged with a text.   
  
"Dinner Friday?" From Evan.  "I know you said you would text but patience is not my best trait. :-)"   
  
Q stared at his phone for a few minutes. Fuck Alec he thought before texting back.  "I'd love to.  When and where?"

 


	14. Chapter 14

Alec hit the button for the lift just as the doors were about to slide shut. He squeezed between them with an apologetic look at the female field agent standing near the front of the cab.  Q looked up from his tablet and frowned.  Before Alec could speak he said "No. Whatever it is you want this time, the answer is no!"    
  
"Please Q?  Just dinner, Friday. Time to talk, somewhere neutral.  Moneypenny is like a bloody guard dog."   
  
With a meaningful glance at the woman and a thinning of his lips, Q shook his head. "Not the time, Alec. We have nothing of a personal nature to discuss"  the rumour of their break up would no doubt reach him by lunchtime.  He sighed  "And unless you have business in my department please refrain from visiting.  It's becoming disturbing to find you there every time I turn around."   
  
The lift reached the lower floor, Q and the female agent exiting. Q couldn't quite say why he did it, but he turned back to Alec as the doors began to close again. "I am unavailable Friday regardless. I have a date."  The look of hurt on Alec's face stayed with him for the remainder of the afternoon.   
  
Q has been late getting out of work on Friday and was just going to barely make it to the restaurant in time.  Evan had let him choose where they were going to meet to dine.  Q has chosen Pop Art Sushi not too far away from Vauxhall where they could have a relaxing evening.  Good food.  Good drinks.  Maybe forget the rest of the week.     
  
Finally getting to step outside into the air for once, he decided that it wasn't that far to St. George's wharf that he could take the Riverside walk and still be close to arriving on time.   And for once there wasn't any Alec or a black Range Rover lurking just down the way watching him.   Maybe they had made it beyond that point finally.     
  
Q arrived at the restaurant to find Evan already waiting for him outside. "I'm sorry I'm late.  Been the week from hell at work."     
  
"You're right in time." Evan leaned in giving him a kiss in the cheek with a smile. "You definitely choose different places to dine."   
  
"Been wanting to come here but not alone.  Seemed like the perfect time to be adventurous."

"Could this be called a date then?" Evan teased as they were seated.  "I keep hoping..."  
  
"Yes. Yes, I think it could" Q smiled. Maybe it was time to move on and try to forget. Alec might eventually get the message that he was not going to  forgive and forget. And Evan was definitely interested...   
  
"Here... Try this."  Evan held out a piece of sushi.  "Just a touch of wasabi makes it, don't you think?"  Q allowed him to slip it passed his lips, giggling when the rice gave way and half of it fell.  Evan caught it and laughed. "You have sesame seeds stuck to your chin". He gently brushed them away, letting his thumb linger against Q's skin.   
  
"Flirting much?" Q chuckled.   
  
"Of course. You don't mind?"  Evan had noticed the bruises that had darkened around Q's wrists. He ran his finger over the purplish smudges but didn't mention them.     
  
Q shook his head and hoped Alec would stay away. The wine had relaxed him and helped him forget the week, and Evan's light touch on his hand was distracting him further. "No, I don't mind at all. In fact I'm rather enjoying being centre of attention. Evie will be desperate for details."  

Q dipped a small piece of salmon in soy sauce and held it out for Evan to take.  With a cheeky raised eyebrow Evan closed his lips around the fish and Q's fingertip. "There's a detail" he chuckled when Q pulled it away.

Q and Evan stood outside the restaurant chatting animatedly when the black Range Rover appeared just far enough away that it would not draw Q's attention.  "You know I'm not quite sure the eel is my favourite but I'm glad I tried it." He giggled having had way too much saki on very little sleep as Evan reached out to take his hand.  "However, I thought I did very well. I didn't spit it back out."  
  
"You know you wanted to." Evan laughed with him. "You so wanted to.  I thought you were going to for a moment."   
  
"I should go back to work for a few but..." Q nodded towards the cab that had just pulled up.  "Share a cab home again?  I think I need sleep before tackling anything more."   
  
"Of course.  I've had a great time today Zaquary."  Evan's fingers brushed over the purpled marks on Q's wrist again. "Let me make sure you get back to Moneypenny's safely.   Wouldn't want the lovely Evie to miss out on her dose of nightly gossip trying to ply details out of you."   
  
Q and Evan chatted in the back of the cab on the way too Moneypenny's about their different restaurants in the city and deciding that next time it was Evan's turn to choose.  "As long as it is someplace that serves food on a plate," Q teased Evan.  "That is my only requirement.  Can only eat so much takeaway before you need something else."  Commenting getting out of the cab with Evan following him asking the cab driver to wait for him for a moment.   
  
"Evie definitely is going to talk if we kept having dinner together like this."  Both of them stood at the bottom of the steps to Moneypenny's building. "I had a great time tonight Zaquary.  I'm glad I gave into my urge to text you instead of waiting."  Neither one of them noticed the black range rover pull into a parking space down the block.   
  
Alec watched the couple chatting and giggling together near the steps while the cab idled on the meter.  It was the same guy from the restaurant earlier in the week.  Broad, square, brown hair.  A friend of Moneypenny's Q had said but when Alec tried to quiz her she wouldn't be pressed for details, sending Alec away with a flea in his ear.     
  
Alec leaned his elbow on the doorframe, his mouth resting on the back of his hand.  They were standing close together.  The man kept touching Q.  Hand on his shoulder, then his elbow.  Briefly gripping his fingers and stroking his wrist. Alec sat up straighter.  "None of your business, fucking bastard." He muttered into the dark car.   
  
Loitering in Q branch Alec had noticed the damage he had caused peeking from the beneath the cuffs of Q's shirt.  He had tried to apologise but Q had simply blinked at him and turned away with a cutting dismissal.  Q's date stepped closer...   
  
Evan tucked a stray curl behind Q's ear with a grin, letting his hand fall onto Q's shoulder.  "Your hair is always so wild."  Evan had moved into Q's personal space and Q found he didn't mind one bit.   
  
Q looked up at the taller man and smiled.  "You should see it first thing in the morning."   
  
"Is that an invitation?" Evan chuckled.  "I think Evie might have something to say about that detail too."  He looked up at the building but there was no dark haired figure spying on them.   
  
Q blushed.  "I didn't really mean...  It's a bit..."   
  
"Hush, don't ruin it.   Settle for a kiss?  And the promise of another date?  My place, I'll cook... No expectations..."   
  
Q nodded and leaned into the other man resting a hand on Evan's hip.  Evan tipped Q's chin and his warm breath ghosted over Q's mouth before Evan pressed his lips lightly against Q's. Q responded without thought, lips parting and sinking into the kiss.  A quick teasing dart of his tongue had Evan's chasing it, tracing his lower lip and following with a gentle nip of teeth.     
  
Q giggled realising his fingers were squeezing Evan's hip attempting to pull him closer.  Evan certainly kissed well.  And Q was single... The word made a frown flicker across his brow, but Evan was too busy commenting on plans for their potential second date.  "Sounds good" Q said, having not really listened.  He curled his fingers around the nape of Evan's neck and pulled him down into a deep rough kiss, pouring all of his frustration with Alec into it until breathing became a necessity for them both.   
  
"Wow" Evan said, signalling to the driver that yes he still wanted the cab.  "I kind of wish I wasn't going on home..."   
  
Q laughed a little recklessly.  "There's always next time. Maybe.  Goodnight Evan.  Call me."  He ran up the steps without looking back and didn't stop to think of what he may have started until the door to the flat was locked behind him.

Q stood just inside the flat door back pressed flat against it.  He let his head fall back against the door staring up at the ceiling.    
  
"And where have you been young man."  Moneypenny's voice interrupted his thoughts. "You're late." She teased patting the sofa next to her for him to sit with her.  "So tell me. How was dinner? And Evan?"   
  
"Bloody hell Evie..." He sighed flopping down on the sofa next to her.  "Dinner was lovely.   Evan was lovely. "   But couldn't stay their siting and immediately jumped back up and began pacing the room.   
  
"And... Details you little shite."  Moneypenny smirked at him waving at hand at him to continue.     
  
"He asked me to dinner again. At his place.  And I kissed him." He blurted out rapidly.  "I kissed him Moneypenny!  But maybe I was kissing Alec!  Fuck!" He threw his hands up in the air as he paced.  "I don't fucking know what I am doing Evie!"

 


	15. Chapter 15

"006, will you please just listen to what I'm trying to tell you, and..."  The sound of rapid gunfire drowned out Alec's response but R caught the tail end of his curse.  
  
"The incompetent bastard lost us the advantage. If you ever send me out with that fucking idiot again...  Shite! They've taken the building..." R could hear him running, a curse and then moments later, an explosion.   
  
The comms went dead and R turned to her second. "Get the Quartermaster. 006 is intent on killing himself or someone else today.  And 002 will needs medical assistance."   
  
"R?"  The young man with the tablet looked confused. "We had no report of-"   
  
"There are lives at risk unnecessarily. Trevelyan is unlikely to wait for the formal process to hand out punishment where he thinks it due!"  The comms link shrieked and she yanked it out of her ear. "And get me something better! Visual preferably!  I want contact with 006 reestablished whether he likes it or not."   
  
Q arrived just as internal CCTV was patched through and the comms link crackled. "Clean this up" Q demanded, taking the headset from R.  "And give me a status report.  002?"   
  
"In pursuit of the girl. 002 didn't see the threat until the front windows blew out. Trevelyan will tear him a new one if he gets out unscathed."   
  
"And where is 006?"  Q didn't even blink, mind on the mission, scanning the data on multiple screens, listening to R's update.   
  
"I'm bloody here, Q!"  The link became clear just as a secondary sound feed kicked in.  Gun shots and the sound of a woman crying hysterically. "They've rigged the entire building. And we walked right into it."   
  
"Then I respectfully suggest you walk right back out with as little fuss as possible" Q said calmly.

There was no immediate response from 006.  "006!  Once should be enough.  Down to the lower level. Collect 002 whether he likes it or not an vacant the building.  Now."  Q scanned his monitors for activity within the building.  
  
"Data hasn't been secured yet Q."  Alec snarled at him as more gunfire reverberated in the background.   
  
"I am well aware of that 006.   I need the status of the retrieval team and ETA."  The Quartermaster asked calmly of his second in command before returning his attention back to the agents in the field.  "End of the corridor to your east 006. Stairwell leading to lower level."     
  
Rapid gunfire could be heard in the background again along with the crying of a female voice.  "That direction is compromised, Q."   
  
"Best option 006.  Improvise."   
  
"Happen to have some extra civil baggage with me Quartermaster." Alex huffed against the sounds of feet and banging doors.     
  
"Walk away 006." Q ordered him.  "Update this Intel and give me exterior visual here.  Need schematics for this area." He ordered at techs surrounding him.   
  
"But Q..." 006 started.   
  
"Need I remind you that in a combative situation 006 within opposition structures there is no such thing as civil status.  Walk away 006!  Now!  Losing your window of opportunity."  Q grabbed up the building diagrams that had been laid in front of him.   
  
The Quartermaster began typing furiously watching the monitors in from of him.  "I would suggest that you reconnect with 002 and exit the building as soon as possible.  I'm giving you 10 minutes to make it happen.  Retrieval team will be on site in 20.     
  
"What about the data, Q? I can try..."   
  
"Do you have an aversion to following orders for some reason 006?!" Q was beginning to lose patience with him but would outwardly never give him any sign of it.  "Let me worry about the data, 006.  If it's is not possible for us to retrieve it, then no one else should be able to put it to use either. They've done all the on site work.  I'll just move there time frame up a little.   Now I suggest you move your arse."   
  
"Q?" Alec started to question him but gunfire sounded once more   
  
"Now 006!"  The Quartermaster cold and collected in his ear.     
  
Alec pulled the weeping woman along the corridor towards the stairwell and swore when a dark clothed figure slid around the corner and began taking pot shots at them.  He shoved her roughly into an alcove and returned fire, trying to ignore her frightened yelps with each gun shot, and Q's insistent urging that he get his arse out of the building.   
  
The gunman went down and Alec took her hand again,  "I can't" she sobbed, clinging to him.  Blood dripped into her eyes from a gash on her forehead and she'd lost her spectacles so stumbled blindly into agent.     
  
"There's a way out this way" he said "don't panic. My team will get you out, but I need to go on ahead.  Wait here, someone will come for you I promise."  She sank to the floor tucked into a corner and Alec hurried away.  "Top of the stairwell, Q.  Make sure someone knows she's there.  Taking the stairs now."   
  
"Noted.  002 is already making his way towards you.  You have seven minutes to get clear."  Q scanned the monitors again.  "How many non-hostile in the building 006? Estimate."   
  
Alec dealt with another two attacks before he could answer.  "At least ten.  And what the bloody fuck did you think you were doing?" He growled as 002 staggered around the corner, firing indiscriminately back the way he had come.   
  
"If you two gentleman could save the tiff for when you're clear of the building.  You have sixty seconds.  Countdown has started."   
  
"There's a team going in?  Right, Q?"  Alec shouted even as he pushed the injured agent ahead of him.  Bursting into the sunlight Alec made for the side street opposite where they had left their vehicle.  "Answer me damnit, Q!"   
  
"Eyes on you both, 006.  Thank you for finally following directions.  Our first priority is the data.  Retrieval was unsuccessful, therefore regrettably we must ensure its destruction."   


 


	16. Chapter 16

Fourteen hours and 20 minutes later 002 was being herded into Medical for a complete look over. Alec managed to escape from the retrieval team, avoided Tanner's grasp, and headed directly to TSS stalking the Quartermaster instead.  In the meantime since signing off their mission, Q had handled a mission for 008, sent 005 off on another one and managed all of 45 minutes nap on the sofa in his office.  He was engrossed in reviewing the Intel that would be needed by 005 in a few hours when Alec strode through the doors hell bent on confronting Q.    
  
"You said there was a team going in!" Alec snarled at him.     
  
"I said no such thing 006.  You assumed there was." Q remained calm not backing down at all of the raging Double 0.   
  
"I told you I was leaving her on the stairs." Alec rounded the Quartermaster's workstation stepping into his personal space.     
  
"I told you I was noting your statement." Q motioned R to step away from the situation and out of the corner of his eye he could see the majority of the techs on the room growing nervous and concerned that they were going to witness 006 assassinate their Quartermaster.     
  
"What did you do, Q?  There were civilians in that building."  Alec was so close to him now, he could feel his body heat.   
  
"Appropriately 13 civilians at last count 006 if you must know.  And I did what is asked of me by MI6."   
  
"You could have waited.  Sent a team in."     
  
"I had already extended well beyond the safety zone of time to get you and 002 out of the building because my agents were reluctant to follow my orders. I won't have that happen again, 006.  The situation was compromised and the longer I waited, the more time there was for someone to actively remove the data from the site." He stood his ground as Alec loomed over him.     
  
Q caught the movement of Alec's hands beginning to shack in fury.  "How could you..."   
  
"I did what I had to do 006.  I made the call, the decision.  That data could NOT leave the site and fall into anyone else's hands for use.  We were not able to retrieve it so it had to be destroyed.  Collateral damage or not.  That is my job which I do without question for Queen and Country, 006.  Just as it was my duty to pave the way for 005 to make his way how out of Caracas last week with collateral damage also."   
  
Q turned away from him and picked up the files he and R had been going over earlier handing them off to her.  "Please see that this Intel is passed on to 005, R." Before turning back to Alec who was furious at being ignored.  "My duty to MI6 includes seeing the you and 002 are brought home as safely as possible also.  At the time, there was no other option open to me."   
  
Q turned and headed towards his office turning back briefly to Alec.  "This discussion is concluded 006. My team has work to do and you are distracting them.  If you have anything further to say to me, I would prefer we take this conversation to my office.  Otherwise I believe Tanner would like to see you for a report."

Alec pushed past him and walked into his office ahead of him, still growling.  "Thirteen innocent lives, Q!  You deliberately made the decision they would die!"  
  
Q sighed and closed the door behind them, activating the privacy settings.   
  
"That isn't accidental death of people trapped inside a building that happens to explode!  That is deliberate termination of non hostiles to protect fucking DATA" Alec's voice rose as he paced the small office angrily.  "That isn't the Q,  I know!"   
  
Q calmly walked to his chair and sat down refusing to be intimidated by the furious man.  Alec held himself so tightly the muscles in his shoulders bunched under his jacket and his hand kept straying to his holster.  Q wondered if the Walther still nestled there and if he should be concerned.   
  
"No, Alec, that is the Quartermaster which I was recruited to be. Here, my spreadsheet death tally. The distant emotionless gameplay, that you accuse me of."  Q tapped at a tablet and tossed it across his desk.   
  
Alec looked down at it, unaware he was grinding his teeth. "What's that?" He spat looking at the thumbnail images arrayed on the screen.   
  
"Personnel records, Alec. Before you were halfway home on that fucking flight I knew the names, faces, ages and family status of every one of those company workers I killed today. And they will stay with me for weeks, months... Probably years."   
  
Alec gaped at him, hands twitching. "What-?"   
  
"Lysette Sardou, 33. Divorced, two children.  She died in a stairwell waiting a rescuer that would never be sent.  Do not say to me I do not understand the horror of what I do Alec.  Now please, leave."

Alec stood there staring at the young Quartermaster hands clenched and shaking with anger and post mission stress.  Silent and unmoving.

“What do you not understand about please leave, 006.  I am positive that Medical would be pleased to see you and so would Tanner.  I, for one, feel our conversation is over. Leave 006.”  Q stood from his chair and moved over towards the sofa pushed against the back wall of his office. However, never turning his back on the agent.  
  
Q waved a hand towards the outer door.   “Please return your equipment to R.  She is still assigned to be your handler.”   

He flopped down on the sofa, pulling his glasses off to rub a hand over his tired burning eyes.  “Alec please…” he finally sighed.  “I don’t want to fight anymore.  I have another mission coming back online in approximately an hour and a half.  I have been here for two days and a short nap would be greatly appreciated.  I know you will never understand any of this at all, so let’s just let things go.”  He laid down on the sofa, closing his eyes with his glasses clasp in his hand, too tired to care just how upset the Double 0 agent might be at the moment.

Alec shoved back his jacket and suddenly the Walther was in his shaking hand, safety disengaged. The gun wavered trained directly on Q's chest.   "I gave her hope...  You said..."  Alec's brow creased in a frown but he seemed to be looking beyond Q who very slowly raised his body off the cushions.  Alec swallowed and blinked rapidly then suddenly his eyes snapped back to Q who was now sitting very straight and very still.  
  
"006?  Alec...?"  Q glanced at the door and then back at the agent.  There was no sign of Alec's assured confidence when on the range. None of his calm tension when stalking a mark in the field.  The gun was poised, safety off, and Alec was trembling so badly Q doubted he would hit his target dead centre.  He didn't need to at this range. A couple of inches off really wasn't going to benefit the Quartermaster.  Q breathed in slowly, replaced his glasses and blinked behind his lenses to clear the gritty feel from his eyes.  "006, I would very much appreciate it if you would make your weapon safe and return it to your handler to be checked in."   
  
Q's voice floated past him.  Rage bubbled under the surface.  People had died. The woman had died because he left her behind. He should not have made a promise he knew inside he could not keep.  She would be lost with the building if they couldn't get her out in time. Time was running out.  He could not go back.  Seven minutes... Four minutes... Sixty seconds...   
  
Q jumped when the gun slammed onto his desk. "You should have told me!" Alec growled. The door crashed shut behind him.

Q exhaled deeply suddenly realizing he had been holding his breath in anticipation of Alec shooting him.  He quickly pulled his mobile out of his trousers pocket and dialed Tanner.  "I would suggest the no one attempt to corner 006 for medical or a debrief Tanner.   It would be taking their life in their own hands at the moment."  
  
"Should I notify Security, Quartermaster?  Is he too volatile and dangerous to be let outside the building?" M's Chief of Staff questioned, "and are you alright, Q?"   
  
Q sighed as he sunk back into the sofa again. "When is he not dangerous, Tanner.  No, let him go.  He'll be fine.  I'm fine, Bill."  Q glanced to Alec's Walther lying on his desk safety still off.   "Thank you for asking.   I'm going to nap for a few minutes.  Please call me if he becomes an issue within the building and I'll see if a can assist.  It's me that he is angry with."

He dashed off a text to Moneypenny before he gave his mobile a toss onto his desk.  "Well not only does Alec not want me but I've successfully manage to make him hate me also.  It's a talent, you know."


	17. Chapter 17

He lay back on the sofa once more eyes squeezed shut tightly attempting to force back the moisture that was threatening the corners of his eyes.  "How could I have been so bloody blind?" He muttered out loud to himself.  "No clue.  Absolutely no fucking clue about me at all?  Just a fucking part time bed warmer for him..." Q dosed off still muttering.  Time to push Tanner to find him a vetted flat.  Needed to start his life over.  Time to give Moneypenny back her privacy.... Fucking bloody bastard...  
  
He tossed and turned in restless sleep until R knocked on his door, entered and gave him a shake an hour later to pull himself together to run the remainder of 005's mission.  
  
Q had just signed off when he became aware that Moneypenny and Tanner were both loitering.  A short distance behind them Bond loomed like an ominous presence, scowling at anything that dared glance his way.  Q knuckled his glasses further up his nose and fought the urge to tear them off and scrub at his eyes.  "What?" He demanded instead, and winced at how petulant he sounded.  
  
"Your office, Quartermaster" Tanner said, indicating the way.    
  
Q was about to argue when Moneypenny stepped up beside him and said softly "Q love, just give us a minute..."  He growled and trailed after his friend.  If they thought they could force him home with two live missions still ongoing and deadlines on the...  
  
"You need to go home" Bond said as soon as the door closed behind them.  "Your real home. The flat."  
  
Q bristled.  "In case you hadn't heard, that is no longer my home 007."  
  
"I heard. Nevertheless you need to come back with me. Now."  
  
Q looked between the three of them angrily.  Alec had gone too far if he thought Bond could persuade him to return, and Moneypenny should know better.  Only that morning Q had reminded Tanner of his need for new accommodation.  
  
Moneypenny interrupted before he could speak.  "There's been an incident.  At the flat.  Alec got a little upset..."  
  
"Oh for god's sake Eve.  Stop the softly softly." Bond turned to him with a severe look.  "He got pissed, smashed a few things and set fire to your bed before passing out.  He's in medical and no you cannot see him.  He'll be fine, just needs fresh clothes.  Are you coming or not?"  
  
"Bloody hell. How did you.." Q started but Bond cut him off.  
  
"I was on the phone with him listening to him rant about how he needed to burn the evidence.  That you'd never come near the bed again."  Bond growled at him as he grabbed Q by the arms, turning him around pointing him towards the door.  "Let's go Quartermaster.  Retrieval mission."  Q tried to protest but Bond keep herding towards the door.    
  
"I'll keep a watch in him until you get back, Q." Moneypenny called after him.    
  
"Stay out it Moneypenny.  No more help." Bond warned.  "I'm dealing with this now."  
  
Bond kept the Quartermaster in arms reach all the way out to his car in the car park. Half the time with a hand in the small of Q back to keep him from making a break for it.   Bond opened the passenger side door for Q glaring at him until Q finally relented and got in the car.    
  
The ride to the flat was silent with tension thick enough in the car to be tangible until Bond finally snarled as they pulled up to the flat.  "This fight between the two of you, it ends today!"  
  
"It none of your business Bond!" Q came right back at him as he slammed Bond's car door.  
  
"It is when my best friend is setting fire to a bed and himself and my Quartermaster is acting like a toddler.   Then, it is my business, whether you like it or not Q.  Get your arse in your flat and find Alec some new clothes." Herding Q towards the front door of his flat.    
  
"Your bloody best friend is a fucking bastard Bond." Q snapped at him as he began to unlock the door securities.  
  
"Yes he is Q and my Quartermaster is a pain in the fucking arse too."    
  
"Fuck...bloody hell" Q stammered as he stepped inside the front door of the flat, glass crunching under his feet.  There was more than likely not one piece of table service left in the kitchen cupboards.  Table lamps were shattered on the floor. Book shelves were toppled. The flat reeked of smoke also.   "What the fuck was he thinking?!"  
  
"He wasn't." Bond stated. "Being Alec.  Reacting. And lots of vodka.  Lots.  Clothes Q." Bond urged as he was becoming distracted by the state of the flat.     
  
"I think he has some things in the spare bedroom, at least he did." Q headed up the stairs slowly still surveying the damage.  He stopped just outside their bedroom hesitating before stepping inside. Walls were scorched black in places as were one of the bedside tables and carpet.   The bed was a complete lost.  "Fuck..." He sighed. What has Alec been thinking. But he has been incredibly lucking he has been talking to Bond or the entire building would have probably gone up in flames.  He turned to move onto the spare bedroom but he eye caught a framed photo of Alec and himself on the side table, glass cracked.  Moneypenny has taken the photo of them cooking together in the kitchen one evening when she has been a dinner guest.   It was one of the things that has been fodder in one of their fights. Alec must have retrieved it.  
  
Q had found Alec some clothing and was coming back down the stairs. "I don't know what you expect me to do Bond.  He fucked someone in my bed. Left it for me to find, condom and cum soiled duvet. A little more than a slight issue,  I would say."  
  
"What I expect you to do is to stop this childish game both of you are playing." Bond glared at him.    
  
"I am not..." Q started  
  
"Oh yes you are Q.  Shut the fuck up and listen to me." Bond pointed an angry finger at him. "The stupid idiot cares about you.  God knows why, because you are a fucking little shite, but he does.  And I don't care how pissed off you are at him, you care too. So figure it out and you two fix this.  I am not babysitting him anymore or listening to Moneypenny's scheming Q!"  
  
"But I..."  
  
"No Q!  No but. Fix it." Bond reached down picking up the remains of a table lamp he placed in on back on the table even though only half of it remained. "Put his clothing in something and I'm taking you back to see him in Medical." Bond's snarl disappeared and hard look soften slightly.  "Just talk to him Q."  
  



	18. Chapter 18

The ride back to MI6 was silent also. Q sat with his head leaning against the window staring out at the building going by. Bond followed a few steps behind him as the moved through security and towards medical, Bond escorting to the med room where Alec was. "Back in the building." Bond commented to someone on his mobile.

"Yes. Heading there now." Conversation ending as quickly. Q stopped at the med room door. A bandaged Alec was covered up in the bed either sedated or sleeping off all the alcohol. "Alec... Stupid bastard." Q sighed shaking his head. Sitting the bag with clothing aside, he pulled up a chair next to the bed to wait for Alec to wake.

He must have dosed himself and was roused by his phone ringing. He opted to ignore it but then a rough voice rasped "Just fucking answer it, Q. It's been beeping like mad for the last hour." Alec leaned forward coughing that ended in an uncomfortable groan as he attempted to shift against the rustling pillows.

Q checked caller ID and sent the call to voicemail, then quickly scanned his messages while he composed himself. Three cheery texts from Evan with suggestions for their next date, plus the phone call. A handful of other texts from Eve too, asking if he needed anything.

"The new boyfriend, I assume" Alec croaked bitterly turning his face away. "Keen isn't he?"

Q ignored him, sitting straighter in the chair. Now wasn't the time to get into it with Alec over Evan. The other man's status as 'boyfriend' was by no means confirmed but there were more pressing things to deal with. Evan would just have to wait his bloody turn. He leaned towards the man in the bed but Alec refused to look at him. "What the hell are you doing Alec? You wrecked our flat."

"Our flat?" Alec snorted. He glared down at his bandaged hands. They throbbed and Alec feared to know what damage was under the wrappings. Q was staring at him with his mouth pressed into a thin disapproving line.

"Given that most of the debris still belongs to me, yes. Our flat. Not that I'm sad to see the end of the bed." Alec sniffed and Q looked at him startled to see tears glinting in Alec's eyes. Fuck! He hurried on. "So... Now we're both temporarily homeless. Tanner must be thrilled."

"Still a sarcastic little shite" Alec sniffed and began coughing again. Q held a glass of water to Alec's lips for him to sip. Alec didn't thank him. Q didn't expect it. "You're not yelling."

"Fuck, Alec! I don't know how to feel! Furious, hurt, scared... Why? You could have died! And don't give me shite about being better off dead, or having nothing to live for. I know bullshit!" Q tossed his glasses onto the bed and pressed his forehead to the cool sheet. He was tired beyond belief and this was the final straw.

Possessions could be replaced or fixed. But this infuriating, obnoxious bastard... The tightness in Q's chest threatened to choke him. Q remained with his face buried in the sheets, eyes closed trying to will the moisture away. “Maybe Tanner can put us up in a safe house somewhere until the repair crews can put the flat back together in one piece. Or maybe a hotel somewhere as a last resort.”

“You said us, Q. Didn’t think that existed anymore.” Alec muttered at him bringing on another coughing spell.

Q sat up scrubbing a hand over his eyes before putting his glasses back on in hopes that Alec would not notice the dampness lingering there. “We have to do something Alec. Try to fix this somehow.” He sighed and his head drifted back down to lie on the bed again, emotion and exhaustion taking its toll. “Do you want Bond and Moneypenny trying to fix this for us?”

“Fuck no…” Alec grasped in between coughs.

“Well if we don’t, they’re going to. Already got the lecture from Bond this afternoon and just waiting to hear it from Evie. Do you really want either one of them directing our lives. You are a bloody bastard, you know that Alec. Don’t you dare scare me like this again!” Q snarled at him choking back a sob that was threatening to come forward. He was so angry with him but could not bear the thought in the long run of not having Alec in his life.

“You’re a little fucking shite, Q!”

“At least I didn’t burn our bed and half the bedroom with it.”

"The bed had to go." A wheeze had settled in Alec's chest along with the irritating cough. His head throbbed with the vodka hangover and his hands felt like he was wearing boxing gloves. And he really needed to piss... "Q... I need a bit of help. Bathroom."

"Oh you are so fucking kidding me?" Q looked at him wearily. "Too soon Alec. I'll find a nurse or someone." He got up to leave but realisation hit halfway to the door. "Fuck... If Tanner finds us shared accommodation, this is going to up to me isn't it? I so fucking hate you right now."

Tanner was waiting for them when they emerged from the bathroom. He gave them a sidelong look, raising an eyebrow. "Toilet logistics" Q waved his hand in the direction of the door "don't ask." Alec stood looking helplessly at the bag of fresh clothing. "Oh for god's sake Alec, I'll help in a minute."

"Right, well. Bond has refused to take responsibility for you 006 so I have arranged hotel accommodation. In light of this difficulty however, you may wish to ask him to reconsider. Q, Moneypenny is waiting to take you home."

Alec gave Tanner a level look. "If you think I'm asking Bond to go anywhere near my cock, Tanner, much less my arse, you are sadly mistaken."

Q choked and Tanner looked faintly ill. "I could arrange for you to stay a few more days...?"

"Not on your life! I am out of here! Q, if you have any feelings left for me at all, you will get me out of here and I will manage somehow."

“Oh you are such a toddler, Alec. Tanner would you mind telling Moneypenny to come down here for a moment while we sort out the logistics here.” As Q started digging through the bag of clothing he had brought for Alec.

Tanner stared at Alec for a moment and then just wandered away as Q pulled out a pair of sweatpants from the bag. “How are your legs? As bad as your arms?” He question holding them out to Alec and then realizing that there wasn’t anyway that he was going to be able to put them on without help.“Oh this is going to be a bloody nightmare.”

“Legs are fine. Thanks for asking Q.” Alec snarled at him choking down a cough.

"Sit you arse down on the bed right now and let me get these on your legs so we can get out of here. Can’t go walking around MI6 and London with your arse hanging out. Although I could probably safely say it wouldn’t be the first time if I know you."

“Can we just stop snarling at each other for a while Q. Plenty of time to do that later. I really don’t feel the best and this is all just making my head throb.” Alec asked sounded extremely tired as he started to cough again.

“Alright… yes… let’s just get to the hotel. I’ll stay with you, help... since you have that pants and hands issue." Q waved a hand vaguely in Alec's direction. "I need out of here myself, to rest. I just... we can... maybe we can make sense of this between you and me later. At least if we leave together, maybe Evie and Bond will back off.”

Alec was dressed by the time Moneypenny's heels could be heard clicking briskly along the corridor. Q glanced up at him with a warning glance. "Let me handle her. Please? just... Do us both a favour and keep your mouth shut."

"Fine," Alec growled, eyeing up the bottle of painkillers that had been left on the side table. No chance he could open it alone. The pain behind his left eye was throbbing.

"What on earth is this madness now, you two? Alec, you are not fit to leave this place yet. You can hardly breathe for goodness sake. And you..." she nodded at Q "You are not capable of looking after him. You're coming home with me, and Alec is staying here for the night."

"No Alec isn't" Alec wheezed. "Even if Q isn't prepared to bust me out, I'm leaving. And you, dearest Evie, are going to drop me at whatever hotel Tanner has organised because if I have to wait around for a car I may lose the will to..."

Q thrust the bag at him, slamming it into Alec's chest, snarling angrily. "Do not even joke about that right now Alec, you fucking bastard. Evie... just do as he asks. Take us to the hotel, and don't make a fuss about it please."

Moneypenny waited patiently in the car park for Q and Alec to make their way to her car, slowly. Q, carrying his messenger bag and Alec's things, slowly walked with Alec stopping frequently when a coughing spell over took him leaving him cursing in Russian afterwards.

Q opened the back door for Alec to get in. "Oh don't give me that look Alec. Moneypenny does not need you navigating for her. Just get in and lie down. You know you are about ready to drop".


	19. Chapter 19

The ride to The Belgrave was deathly silent until the raspy breathing in the back seat obviously turned to sleep just before they reached the hotel. "Q?" Moneypenny glanced at Q staring out the passenger window. "Do you know what..."

"Stop Evie. Just don't..." He sighed looking into the back seat at the sleeping form of his lover... Ex lover. Fuck. He didn't know anymore what they were. "I know what I am doing Eve. "

"Sounds more like you are trying to convince yourself than anything." Eve smirked at him as they pulled up in front of the Belgrave. "I reserve the right to say I told you so when all hell breaks loose again. Just remember the other side of my bed is open and you have the spare door key. We're here. Time to wake sleeping beauty up".

Q left Alec to stumble into the lobby, leaning into Moneypenny's window to drop a small kiss of thanks on her cheek. "I'll be ok Evie. He needs me to stay. Practicalities."

She nodded and pulled a face, watching the blond's retreating back. "If I don't wake up to find you beside me, I'll send some clean clothes over tomorrow. Let you know what Tanner organises for the flat... I guess you can't stay here indefinitely, but it will be a good few weeks before it's habitable again. I'm sorry."

"I couldn't leave him on his own to fend for himself. Stupid arse will probably cause himself a worse injury." His mobile pinged in his pocket with a text message. Evan. "Shit Evie... You couldn't do me a favour, could you? Maybe call Evan and put him off for me?" He glanced at Alec who was now leaning just inside the door breathing heavily. "I think... I think maybe now is not a good time for me to be dating."

Moneypenny sighed. "You're too forgiving, Q. Evan is a good guy. He likes you."

"I know. That's why I need to back off now, Evie. Tell him I'll call him in a week or so. Rearrange dinner once Alec is independent again and explain, but right now..." Right now he needed to figure out how the hell to manage a few days in a hotel room without it turning into a war zone. Too much still to be said, too tired to say it. "Goodnight Evie. I'll let you know if I need anything. Wish me luck..."

Q stopped just outside the hotel entrance and stared at Alec leaning heavily against the inner door looking like he was ready to drop any moment. "Come on Alec. Let's get checked in and we both need some sleep." Q started to take him by the arm but hesitated not sure where all the burns were in Alec's arm as they approached the front desk.

"Can I help you, Sir?" A way too cheery for either of their moods young woman came to assist them.

"I believe we have a reservation..." Q began.

"Under the name of Sterling. Robert Sterling." Alec interrupted trying not to start coughing again.

"I should have known..." Q sighed shaking his head. "Only you two...."

"Oh yes Mr. Sterling. A Mr. Tanner has made all the arrangements for you. Let me get you your keys." Q took the key cards from her and herded Alec towards the lifts. "Should have stayed in Medical, Alec..." Q muttered as Alec leaned against the cool metal walls of the lift as it began to move.

"No fucking way Q. Just need some pain meds and some sleep. Be as good as new in a couple of days." The words staggered in between raspy coughs.

"Meds and sleep Alec." He guided the taller man out of the lift and down the hall towards their waiting room. "I can't believe you burnt the bed Alec. Let's try not to do that in The Belgrave shall we."

Alec grumbled under his breath but allowed Q to steer him into their room and towards the king size bed.

"Sit" Q commanded, dumping the bag of Alec's clothes on one of the armchairs. He realised he had nothing but the clothes he stood in for himself. "I really need a shower. I've been wearing these clothes for days."

"Well, I didn't like to say. Have you even been back to Moneypenny's place recently?" Alec snarked.

Q's head shot up hearing an accusation. "Working, Alec. Pulling all nighters. And not the kind you mean."

Alec looked away. "I need help to get undressed" he said finally. "I'll take the sofa, you can have the bed."

"Don't be bloody ridiculous Alec. If we're hoping to resolve this then we can at least take the first step and sleep in the same bed. We both need it." "If you must know, I don't remember the last time I was at Moneypenny's. The last few days have all ran together. And there hasn't been that much time for sleep on the sofa in my office."

Q slowly pulled the sleeves of the oversized sweat shirt they had managed to get on Alec in Medical over his bandaged hands. One at a time, until he could careful maneuver it up his torso and over his head. He carefully tried to not disturb the bandages covering the burns in Alec's torso also. "Why didn't you just take an axe to it or shoot it full of holes instead of burning it Alec?" Q sighed.

"I was slightly pissed at the time Q if you don't remember the details." Alec snarked at him coughing along with the words.

"Stand up for me so I can get these off too" he waved a hand at the sweatpants Alec was wearing. "Unless you want to be uncomfortable all night."

Alec tried to stand up but Q ended up carefully helping with one hand on his waist and the other gently at his elbow to keep him from falling backwards. Q waited until Alec had his balance before pulling them down to his ankles. "Sit again so I can weasel them off your feet."

"Still the bossy Quartermaster..." Q shook his head, sighed and glanced up at Alec from where he knelt in front of him pulling off his sweatpants to find green eyes staring back down at him.

"What?"

"I just hope you remember this Alec later when I blow myself up in R&D, crippled, and you have to take care of me."

"Not funny Q. Not funny at all." Alec snarled at him.

"I'm going to shower. I'll get your medication after I get out." Q quickly stood from where he knelt and shut himself in the bath. "Fuck.." he sighed leaning heavily back to the closed bath door. He was still bloody pissed at Alec but he was also upset Alec was hurt doing something stupid because of the fight between them. "How are we going to fix this Alec without destroying this hotel?..."

Q stood in the shower for what seemed like an eternity just letting the hot water run over himself trying to forget what has happened over the last few weeks but he couldn't. First there was Evan. And he tried to imagine life without Alex involved in it at all. "Bloody fucking hell..."

Somehow he had to try to fix this with Alec but... Q thought he vaguely heard Alec calling for him and coughing in the bedroom. He turned off the water and grabbed a towel to wrap around him as he stepped out of the bathroom soaking wet.

Alec was struggling to stand, one ankle back in the sweatpants, the other foot awkwardly tangled. "Help me with these" had demanded, gesturing angrily at the pool of fabric on the floor. "I need to get out of here. Fresh air!" He looked wildly around the room as if searching for an exit.

"Alec...?" Q stepped up to his side clutching the towel around his slim hips. "What's the matter?"

The bottle of pain meds was still in the bag, and Alec couldn't have opened it anyway with his bandaged hands. Alec's breathing came in short gasps and he cleared his chest repeatedly with short barking coughs. "Alec! Stop it! Whatever the fuck has got you worked up..."

"The woman. The woman on the fucking stairs, and the fucking disaster that is us." He bent over again trying and failing to grab at the trousers. "I need a drink and a smoke. Help me get dressed."

"I would think you'd had enough of both right now. I'll fetch your pills and then you can sleep, Alec. You're going nowhere tonight." Q knelt to pull Alec's feet free only to find himself knocked into his arse. He looked up at the larger man furiously. “Fucking Hell Alec! The woman in the stairwell is my responsibility, not yours Alec.” Q snarled at him as he staggered to his feet stupidly ready to square off against the double o agent.

“And yes, we are a fucked up disaster, Alec. Would it make you feel better to punch me, take your anger out on me… don’t think you are quite capable of it right now with those hands.”

“Get out of my way you little shite and let me out of here.” Alec snarled back at him but Q didn’t budge an inch.

“Where the fuck do you think you are going to go, Alec? You can be as bloody pissy and indignant with me as you want but I’m your only option at the moment. Even Bond didn’t want to put up with your shite.”

“I’ll be fine on my own.” Alec snapped at him but any more was interrupted by raspy coughing.

“Just shut up Alec. You’re not bloody going anywhere except to bed and let’s try not to burn this one up tonight.” Alec started to say something but Q interrupted.

“Just stop it Alec. No more fighting. I’m here. Isn’t that what you wanted? And we still are a fucked up disaster but….. oh you are such a fucking bastard Alec.”

Alec kicked the trousers free again and tried to push his hair out of his eyes hissing at the pain the automatic gesture caused to his burns. Q cautiously stepped closer and brushed Alec's hair off his brow. A practicality, he told himself.

Alec's eyes widened, the frustrated frown lines smoothing out under the brief touch. "Thanks". He swallowed. "I'm glad you're here."

Q sighed and helped him lay down pulling the covers up to Alec's waist, leaving his patched up torso bare. He retrieved his towel which had long since slipped and returned it to the bathroom then rifled in the bag for something to wear. Getting into bed naked was not an option he was up to facing.

His fingers closed on a familiar soft blue knit. The jumper would be warm for the hotel room but somehow it reminded Q of why he was here. It was soft against his skin and still smelled of Alec's aftershave as it fell over his face. He let himself hide for a moment inside before quickly climbing into bed on the opposite side.


	20. Chapter 20

Q was awaken a little while later by noisy coughing coming from the lump in the bed that he was curled up against.  “Let me get you water.  More meds.” Q stammered half-awake trying to untangle himself from the bedding.  “Fuck… glasses…” hands searched the bedside table before he realized he had never got them out of the bathroom.  
  
By the time he got back from glasses and medication retrieval Alec was sitting on the side of the bed. “Fuck that hurts.  Thought I was choking.”  
  
“You should be in Medical still, Alec.   This is nothing to mess around with, but I suppose both you and Bond are above staying put for your own good in Medical.”  Q careful held the glass of water to Alec’s lips for him to drink as he  stood in front of Alec in nothing but Alec’s blue jumper that came down to mid-thigh on him.  
  
“Why are you here Q?” Alec stared at him after he had managed to choke down the medication.  
  
“Where else would I be? You needed someone.  A Quartermaster takes care of his agents.”  
  
“Not sleeping in the same bed with them wearing their blue jumper, he doesn’t.”  
  
Q's serious face stared down at him, eyes in shadow behind the lenses of his glasses so Alec couldn't quite read him.  "I'm still mad as hell Alec.  Hurt.  I don't think I'll forgive you for a while."  
  
"But?"  
  
Q sighed deeply and stepped out of Alec's range as he made to reach for him.  "I find it difficult to imagine being anywhere else, Alec.  Moving on is not something I'm ready to do."  He began to pace the room, wanting to talk but not being able to look at Alec while he did so.  "Evan was nice, but he's not...  Well..."  he waved a hand between them vaguely  "You and I understand each other... or we thought we did."     
  
Q lapsed into silence, still walking the carpet listening to Alec wheeze and the occasional cough.  Finally he resumed.  "You've put me in a position where I need to make a decision with this tantrum of yours, and it would appear I've decided that you and I are not done.  Though god knows how we actually make it back from this."  
  
"We need to talk."  
  
Q turned to him with arms folded.  "Because we're so clearly very good at that!  But, I suppose if we don't want to destroy another bed, we need to at least acknowledge that perhaps we don't know each other quite as well as we thought."  
  
“We need to talk, Q.” Alec stated again as Q continued to pace the room.  “You look ridiculous in my jumper wandering the room you know.”  
  
“Thank you for that lovely assessment Alec.  And yes we need to talk but… I don’t bloody know what to say.  Other than I think we have both made a lot of assumptions about each other without actually understanding.”  
  
“Q stop fucking pacing.” Alec paused to cough and wheeze again.  “It’s bloody exhausting.”  
  
Q stopped in front of Alec glaring at him. “Well then talk to me Alec. What?  If we bloody need to talk then talk to me.”  
  
“You look so bloody juvenile standing there with your hair all over, my jumper and your pale arse legs sticking out from underneath it.”  Alec smirked at him starting to laugh before a cough took over again.  
  
“Not helping Alec.”  
  
"Trying to lighten the mood.  Please, just sit..."  
  
Q threw up his hands and crawled onto the bed, sitting cross legged and folding the jumper over his lap.  He looked even more childlike with his pale bony knees poking out to the sides and the blue woolen swamping his slim frame.  "I'm not some delicate little thing that ever needed protecting Alec.  I hope you bloody realize that now?"  
  
The comment seemed at odds with his appearance and Alec snorted.  "You do just fine at playing the non-threat when it suits you."  Avoiding Q's glare.  "but yes, I've had some time to reflect on just how... strong... you can be."  
  
"Strong wasn't your first choice, Alec.  If we're being honest with each other, let's get the true feelings out.  Tell me what you actually thought when that building came crashing down behind you and you realised what I'd done."  
  
"I thought you were a cold, ruthless bastard"  Alec said tightly.  “Admiring, but horrified.  Angry and betrayed.”  
  
“Alec.  Someone had to make that call.  And it wasn’t you.  My responsibility is to my agents, to you.  If I had let you dawdle around there, you would be gone too.”  Q sighed picking at the hem of the jumper enveloping him.   “There are times during missions when there isn’t time to consult with M.  I have to make that call.  It’s what my job entails, Alec.”  Q sighed pulling a pillow out from behind him into his lap.  
  
“You should have said something Q.’  
  
“I had left the decision up to you, you would have argued, hesitated and then where would we be?  Well obviously not here because of a burnt bed.”  
  
“I don’t understand you sometimes Q.   How does that… the building, that woman…” Alec didn’t finish his sentence before the coughing took over again.  
  
“How does it not bother me?  It does bother me Alec.  It’s all in here, in my head.” He raised a slender finger to tap himself on the forehead just above his framed lenses.    
  
“But I only have limited time to be me, to not be the Quartermaster.  So I have to not let it consume me.  It doesn’t go away but there are only so many hours in my week that I can have to myself.” Q sighed and leaned back against the headboard.  
  
“I know that sounds utterly cold, a bloody bastard.  But honestly, I would rather spend my few hours enjoying it with… say you, even though you are a right bastard, than upset and mourning over something that I really do not have any control over.“  
  
Alec was silent for a while, brooding.  "It doesn't bother me"  he commented quietly.  "The ones who deserve to die.  The bastards that are trying to kill me.  Doesn't bother me at all if I get there first, in fact I enjoy it.  I love to see the realisation in their eyes the second before they go blank."  He made a sound of frustration again as he tried to shove his hand through his hair.    
  
"I think that makes me the monster.  There are always some that I wonder about.  The intel says they should go but they're just kids following orders, or wives caught up in something.  Nevertheless I do my duty to Queen and Country and if they happen to die, then so be it and I claim I also had no real control over it."  
  
"It's what you train for Alec.  What you do.  You're no more a monster than I am, but maybe that doesn't say much.  I relay the orders."  Q shivered and let the long sleeves flop over his hands.  "These aren't innocents, no matter what you think, Alec.  Accidents happen, yes, but that building was a front for the operation.  Maybe the people who died had no idea who they were working for but that's not our concern.  We destroyed that data when retrieval was no longer an option."  He reached out a floppy hand and laid it on Alec's knee.  
  
Alec smiled sadly and wriggled his fingers into the cuff, pleased when Q didn't move his hand away. Their fingertips rested lightly together. "I was determined you wouldn't see that side of me.  I thought it would destroy us."  
  
"Well I think we can both agree it almost did" Q huffed.    
  
Q scooted closer to where Alec was sitting on the bed until their shoulders were carefully pressed together.  “Do you honestly think that I would run away from that side of you?  Scare me away? “ Q sighed and shook his head in disbelief.  “If you only knew what things were like growing up...?  Not much of anything surprised me anymore.”  
  
“Think we can fix this Q?”  
  
“Maybe.  With time.  Just don’t fucking hide from me, Alec.  Any of it.”  Q crawled off the bed and began to wander the room lost in thought.  
  
“Q?” Alec could see the irritation growing underneath in the younger man, afraid that the little progress they had just made was getting ready to disappear.  
  
“Just do not fuck anyone in my bed again, Alec!”  Q waved a slender hand at him as he wander by the bed in his pacing.   “Not tolerable Alec.  Not at all.   It will be a while before I am comfortable in the flat as it is.   And don’t fucking burn my bed again!”  
  
Alec raised his hands "I couldn't bear to look at it any more. Needed rid of it, but perhaps not my best idea."  
  
"The worst idea was bringing him home into my bed. I know we hadn't been getting along but were things so bad?"  Q stopped and waited for Alec to look at him.    
  
"I... No.  I wanted you to notice things weren't right but it wasn't a conscious decision to hurt you like that.  Stupid. Won't ever happen again. Anywhere."  
  
"Right. Well.  I think it will take time before I accept your word on that Alec."  Q rubbed at his eyes. "I'm tired. We both need sleep." This time when Alec settled against the pillows Q curled closer to his side.

* * *

 Q stood in his office gathering up the last of his things, shoving them in his messenger bag getting ready to head out for the day when Alec appeared at his office door.  “Bandages off.” He held his hands up in front of him wiggling his finger at Q.  “Just need to be careful for a while before I try to do too much with them.”  Alec lingered in the doorway.  Things were still not back to the way things were before with them, awkward moments.  With Alec having improved greatly, Q had gone back to Moneypenny’s flat a few days earlier to stay.  
  
Q stopped his gathering for a moment taking a step towards him.  “Think don’t look near as bad I as expected.  You’ll be back in the field before you know it, Alec.”  
“Do you have something planned tonight, Q?  Dinner maybe?  I can actually maybe feed myself without wearing most of it?” Alec smirked at him.  
  
“Actually I was going to head by the flat to see how things were progressing.  Tanner said they were almost finished.” Q turned back to his desk grabbing his laptop to shove in his bag.  
  
“Care if I tag along?  We could get takeaway?  Have it at the flat?” Alec asked with the hope that maybe being back at the flat together and the damage mostly repaired would give them a chance to move ahead a little more.  
  
Q checked his watch.  Three hours until he'd agreed to meet Evan for a quick drink, just to tell him that they were going nowhere.  It would be good if they could remain friends but Q had a feeling Evan was looking for more.  He glanced at Alec's hopeful face and made the decision.  "Sure.  I'll ring ahead and we'll pick it up on the way.  Usual?"  
  
  



	21. Chapter 21

There had been a remarkable transformation in the flat.  Professionally scrubbed and aired the renovators had somehow managed to rid it of the acrid smell of smoke and the decoration in all of the upstairs rooms had been refreshed.  It smelled of fresh paint and new carpets.  Q unloaded the takeaway cartons on to the kitchen counter while Alec went to the freezer returning with a bottle of vodka.  "No idea how many times the freezer has been off and on, but it looks like some kind soul disposed of all of the food for us, but left this."

"Are you sure you should be drinking?  Still on medication, Alec."

"It's fine, Q.  They just bloody itch like mad now, no painkillers.  Drives me insane at night."

"If you're expecting sympathy Alec, you're looking to the wrong man.  Think yourself lucky that's the worst you're dealing with."  

"Have a drink with me."  Alec pushed a half full tumbler towards Q.  "Remember we did this the first time you invited me back?  Take away, and then we sat in the garden for hours drinking and talking.  We should sit out there again later."  Hopefully Q would get to reminiscing and remember how good things could be.

Q glances at his mobile for a moment. "Pour me one please if you can.   Need to make a quick call."  He added heading out the door into the garden for some privacy dialling Evan's number as he went.    
  
"It's me.  I need to reschedule if possible.  Tomorrow maybe..."  Alec overhead Q begin as he stepped farther out unit the garden away from the door.     
  
A few minutes later Q appeared at the garden door shoving his mobile back in his pocket.  Alec stood at the counter having gotten plates out for dinner and vodka was waiting. "Am I keeping you from something Q?"      
  
Q couldn't read the look on Alec's face at the moment... Sadness maybe but...  "I'm not going to lie to you Alec.  I was going to meet Evan for a drink tonight later."   
  
"Q?" Alec took a step towards him but stopped.     
  
"I cancelled, well postponed.  I owe it to him to tell him in person that I'm not going to see him again for now." Q sighed running a hand through his hair absolutely destroying it even further.  "He's a nice guy Alec.  He deserves to be told face to face not just text dumped."

"Right.  Not really any of my business, but Moneypenny said you'd been seeing a lot of him.  You like him?"

"Alec" Q sounded exasperated.  He took a drink of vodka and picked up his plate, turning towards the garden door.  "I thought I'd made it clear that for whatever reason, you and I are not done.  We decided to try to rebuild, did we not?"  Alec nodded and followed Q out into the garden.  "Then let's eat and then talk about moving back into the flat.  I'll explain to Evan that we will be no more than friends.  But yes, in the interests of openness, I like him."

They ate in silence for a few, each lost in their own thoughts.  Alec tried not to think of Q with someone else, and Q tried to piece together the words he needed to say to Alec about their future living arrangements.  Eventually, he is put down his fork with his meal only half finished, appetite waning with the nerves that were building.

"At some point we'll need to buy a new bed, but there's no rush."  Q shoved his glasses into place with a fingertip.  "i know I said we are trying again, and moving back in here together, but I can't face sharing a bed with you in that room.  Not yet.  If you wish to take that room, then feel free, but I will be sleeping in the downstairs bedroom for the immediate future."

"Oh Alec don't be a wanker," Q saw the agitated look start to form on the Russian's face.  "You really did expect me to just jump back into sex with you?" Q stammered that thought jumped into the forefront.    
  
"I just... I.. I don't know what I expected Q?"  Alec sighed taking a large gulp of his drink.  "No, I wasn't thinking that. I just hoped we were getting closer to things getting back to normal."   
  
"I can't believe you would even consider using the word "normal" in any sentence referring to us." Q huffed.     
  
"Q talk to me." Alec prodded telling himself that he desperately needed to understand how he could fix things with Q because Evan was eagerly waiting in the wings to take his place.     
  
"I just can't walk back into that bedroom yet Alec without feeling...," Q took a sip of his vodka with one hand while the other played with a wild lock of hair that had escaped containment.  "Feeling betrayed I suppose." He sighed.  "I know you don't understand and didn't understand.  This flat was the only place where I didn't have to be the Quartermaster constantly.  I could be me here.  And at the moment all I can still see is a sex rumbled bed that you fucked a stranger in. "   
  
"How can I fix this Q?  Can I fix this?" Alec was afraid that this evening was taking a turn for the worse.     
  
"I don't know Alec.  I really don't know." Q sighed as he refilled his glass having giving up on his dinner and turning to just drink for now.  "Maybe it will just take time for me to process all of this in my head."   
  
"I need this to feel like home again Q.  Whatever it takes."  They lapsed into silence again.  Eventually Alec started to wander and headed to the garden checking plants, plucking at leaves in the darkness.  He couldn't see anything useful, it was simply a distraction from his thoughts.     
  
"It seems odd not to have Amelie following me around the garden" Alec chuckled softly.  "I miss her."   
  
"She misses home.  Hates being cooped up in Evie's flat even though she gets spoiled with fresh salmon." from the garden door where he watched.     
  
"No chance to present you both with gifts, I suppose.  I swear the wildlife is more active in the garden tonight without her prowling around.  Oh god, do you remember the frog that first night? I thought someone was being murdered!"   
  
Q laughed.  "And the live mouse that she brought into the bedroom? It lived under the wardrobe for three days.  She wouldn't move from the bedroom unless you carried her out!"   
  
"Oh I remember" Alec chuckled taking his seat again and refilling their glasses from the bottle Q had brought out to the garden with him.  He held out his forearm pointing at three faint silver lines that shone through the fresh pink burns.  "I have the scars to prove it."

"Or the night Amelie jumped down from the headboard and landed right next to your head on your pillow while you were sleeping." Q giggled taking the refilled glass from Alec.  "You screamed and I thought you were going to shoot a hole in the bedroom wall."  
  
"Well how was I supposed to know it was the bloody cat." Alec chuckled. "Never had a permanent pet before. Let alone that bloody nuisance of a cat."   
  
"Awww, she loves you Alec."     
  
"Tries to kill me in my sleep.  Bloody feline."   
  
"Maybe as soon as the workers mess is cleaned up, I should bring her home.  I think it would make everyone happy.  She tried to eat Evie's makeup brushes the other day.  Evie was not pleased." Q smirked at the thought of Amelie running across the living room with one of Evie's makeup brushes in her mouth and Evie in hot pursuit after her.     
  
"We're going to try this again Q?" Alec refilled his glass again holding the bottle out to the younger man.   
  
"I suppose so." Q sat quietly for a few minutes holding his drink in both hands in front of him. The garden was becoming overgrown again. I sign that neither of them had been here for a long time.  "Why did you move in here with me in the first place Alec?  You could have stayed with Bond... A vetted flat of your own... I'm not really sure if 'move in' is the correct term.  Your things just seemed to appear and never leave."

"It just sort of felt like home. Well... What I imagined home would feel like.  Someone always here, feeling like the place was lived in.  Having a place to come back to that was comfortable. And safe, I suppose.  I haven't had a permanent base in... Ever!"    
  
He grinned across at Q in the darkness, eyes gleaming.  "Besides, you're prettier than Bond and not as obsessively tidy."   
  
Q rolled his eyes, drinking again. "Well I'm glad it wasn't for shallow reasons."   
  
"Shallow? Me? Never."  The silence stretched until Alec asked "Why did you never ask me to leave?"

"Why would I ask you to leave Alec.  You do an occasional wash of clothing.  You supply me with vodka and scotch.  Not to mention you actually cook, although I do have to keep a fire extinguisher nearby at all times."  Q's mind drifted to the picture of them cooking together that had sat up on the bedside table upstairs.  

"I am not that bad." Alec chuckled.  

"Really Alec?  Seriously?" Q laughed at him.   "It's nice to have someone here sometimes when I eventually get to wander home."

"Which isn't often enough Q."

"You never made fun of my eccentric ways." Q added softly before recovering with "besides Amelie loves you.  She would be lost without you to leave presents for and torment." Q held his glass up for Alec to refill.  "Bloody hell... Have to pour me into a cab later at this rate."  

"It's getting late" Alec commented, holding up the vodka bottle. There was enough for a couple more drinks. Q nodded and Alec emptied it into their glasses.  "I miss this place. Hotel is ok but it's not home."  
  
"Not for much longer Alec" Q yawned. "Another week... We will be back under the same roof."   
  
"Are you ready for that Q?"  Alec asked softly, afraid to hear the answer but Q surprised him.   
  
"I think so. I'm not ready to give up on us Alec."  Q stood and wobbled dangerously.  "We should probably go inside. Lock up..."   
  
Alec guided him back into the kitchen securing the garden door behind them.  Q wandered into the living room and slumped into the sofa looking around the familiar room. His favourite memories of the room all involved being curled on the sofa with Alec.  Before Alec, Q hadn't spent much time in the room at all.   
  
"Alright?"  Alec settled on the sofa at the far end, stretching his long legs along the cushions, trapping Q behind them. Instead of feeling anxious Q felt... Safe.   
  
"Mmm..." Q agreed vaguely.  The vodka warmed and relaxed him. Alec held out his arm and it seemed perfectly natural for Q to fold himself into Alec's side between his large solid body and the sofa cushions. "We should call a taxi."  He rested his cheek against Alec's chest.   
  
"Ten minutes" murmured Alec against his hair. And if it ended with a press of his lips against Q's head, neither recalled it clearly.


	22. Chapter 22

"Morn Q." Alec's voice was muffled, buried in the top of his dark mussed curls. "At least I think it's approaching morning." Q's legs were tangled with Alec's. One arm was wiggled underneath Alec. The other was wrapped around his waist. He had been using the crook of Alec's shoulder and collarbone as a pillow.

"We didn't leave." Q muttered.

"No we didn't." Alec chuckled. Q could feel it reverberate through Alec's chest. "10 minutes turned into a few very comfortable hours." Alec's strong fingers carded through Q's tangled hair.

"Yes, well... Glasses?" Q tried to wriggle away but there was little room to move. Besides, mad as he still was, he had missed being held through the night. His head throbbed and he let it fall back onto Alec's shoulder, just for a moment.

Alec groped on the floor beside the sofa and produced Q's glasses. "They were digging in. Thought we'd both be more comfortable."

"And didn't think we'd both be more comfortable if you called a taxi and we went home?" Q snarked, deciding Alec was being presumptuous even if he didn't mind.

Alec allowed him to scramble free. He sat on the edge of the seat with his elbows resting on his knees and watched Q search around for his shoes and jacket. "This is home Q, as far as I'm concerned, but only with you in it. I know it will take a while for you to regard it as such but I'm eager for us to start over. Last night was good."

Q looked like he would say something. Changed his mind and shrugged into his jacket. "I need to get to work. No time to go back and change. I'm sure that will be the subject of gossip by Evie if no one else. Fuck!" Thought occurring to him. "She thinks I was with Evan last night. How the hell to explain this..." Waving his hand at the sofa and Alec still sat there.

"Progress, Q? I hope."

Q stood at his workstation sorting through Intel that one of his techs had gathered for an upcoming mission. He had managed to get to work in time to shower there, game his hair some but did not have a set of spare clothing to change into stashed in his office. But the Quartermaster in the same set of clothing two days in a two was not an unusual sight for TSS when he never left the building during missions for sometimes days.

Unless you are Moneypenny, present roommate, and knew the Quartermaster's social plans for the evening before. Fuck. His entire bloody life has turned into one huge cocked up mission. The familiar click of heels drew nearer growing louder with each step as Q attempted harder with each step to ignore Moneypenny.

"Someone did not come home last night." Moneypenny leaned against his workstation crowding into his personal space.

"No. Someone did not." Q attempted to ignore Moneypenny smirking next to him.

"Thought we were having the 'let's just be friends' talk last night but if you didn't come home..."

"If you must know I postponed meeting Evan last night. Meeting him tomorrow." Q turned away from her to check something on another monitor actually trying to avoid her direct questioning.

"So no Evan. Didn't come home. Wearing yesterday's clothing.... " Q sighed knowing there was no way Moneypenny would leave until she had satisfied her curiosity.

"I went by the flat to check on progress."

"And you somehow found yourself locked in for the night...?"

"Alec came with me" ignoring her raised eyebrow he continued. "We ate and drank too much. Fell asleep."

She pursed her lips and regarded him thoughtfully, tapping one polished talon against her files. "Well. I'm surprised at you letting him back into your bed so easily but it's your life, Q."

"We didn't. Too soon for that." He turned back to his monitors hoping she'd take the hint and leave him alone. When she didn't move he huffed. "Amelie and I will be out of your hair soon. Your makeup brushes will be safe and you'll have the bed all to yourself again. I thought you'd be happy that Alec and I are trying to resolve things?"

"I am, just... Take care. Don't take any shite from him."

"Not a chance" he smiled at her as she tapped away.


	23. Chapter 23

"You know I dearly love you, Moneypenny." Q had sighed as he stood in the doorway of her flat, "but what do I honestly have to loose.   Stop" he held a hand up to her before she could speak. "Before you say Evan.   I know... I know..  But sometimes, I suppose,  one just has to light the fire and burn the bridge of doubt behind themselves and hope for the best."  
  
"You know you are always welcome here, Q." She pulled him into a tight hug giving him a peck on the cheek. "Remind that bastard Trevelyan if you wake me in the middle of the night because he's cocked this up again, that I did shoot Bond once and I am very capable of offering him the same assistance."     
  
Now he stood inside the door of the flat again.  Smelling of fresh paint, new flooring.  Packing boxes filled the entryway that had been delivery earlier in the day.  Messenger bag in one hand and a meowing Amelie fussing in her carrier in the other.  "Alright, you rotten feline. Yes we're back." Setting the carrier down, opening the door for her.  She immediately set about exploring the new smells mixed with the familiar old ones.   
  
"I hope this is not the biggest mistake of my life, Amelie." Q dropped his things and headed into the kitchen in search of a drink before tackling the pile of boxes waiting for him.  The feline queen of the flat of course on his heels wondering just where her food bowls had disappeared to... again.  Scouring the cupboards, he found a half full bag of dry cat food still hidden there.  "Here you traitorous bitch. You'd probably side with him anyway, even though I rescued you from sudden doom at Battersea." He sat at the counter, glass in hand, bottle nearby watching Amelie daintily munch contented.  "Glad someone is taking this all so calmly and not needing to fortify their nerves with scotch."

Q drank deeply, almost draining his glass and then topped it up. Alec was due back in the evening sometime. R had been handling an issue most of the night but he hadn't asked... Hadn't wanted to interfere.  Instead he had forced himself to walk out, return to Moneypenny's and pack his final few belongings. This was happening.  
  
Q wanted his clothing and personal items stored in the downstairs bedroom before Alec arrived to avoid the awkward conversation about the master bedroom.  He picked up a large hold-all and carried it downstairs with his glass.   
  
Amelie followed nosing at the pillows on the bed until she could curl between them.  She settled and began purring loudly. "At least I'll have some company down here if you like my pillows so much."   
  
He stopped short when he noticed the broken photo frame on the bedside table. Alec must have moved it down here the night they stayed, probably after Q had left for work.  Q picked it up and sat on the edge of the bed staring at it.  They both looked happy. "I think someone is using a little psychology, Amelie. Let's hope it's a positive thing."

A couple hours later, Q had given up on unpacking anything else besides his clothing which Amelie assisting in by deciding that his carry all and clothing were a much better place to sleep that on his pillows.   The downstairs bedroom was not ideal, although it was perfectly comfortable, but it wasn’t back where he needed to be the small niggling voice in his head told him.  “If you don’t remove your furry arse from there Amelie” wanting to put the carryall away in the closet, “I shall be forced to zip you up inside it.”  However, Amelie did not feel the need to recognize his presence at the moment.  “Just remember whose jumper that is you are sleeping on later.” He huffed at her shoving the carryall over into a corner of the room for now.

Q wandering back towards the kitchen, glass in hand, knowing he had left the bottle sitting on the counter somewhere for a refill when his mobile pinged with a text message from R.  “He is back on home soil somewhere.  Hasn’t checked in here.  Just thought you should know.”

“Ta R.” he texted back after refilling his glass. “Mission status?”

“Not a complete cock up, but not easy.”

“Well alright then… Best order takeaway since there seems to be nothing but alcohol in the cupboards at the moment.” ” he muttered to himself and was startled to find Amelie weaving her way between his feet already.  “Of course I mention food and you abandon your ‘new bed’ in hopes of a stray prawn or two.”


	24. Chapter 24

Q had just made the order when he heard the front door slam. It was a full minute while Alec reset the securities, cursing loud enough to be heard in the kitchen. Finally he stalked around the corner and stopped. Stared at Q like he hadn't expected him to be there. "Alright Alec?" Q fiddled nervously with his glass unsure whether to get up and greet him. What would he do? A hug seemed not enough. A kiss too much.

"Yes" Alec looked around the flat noticing the boxes for the first time. "I... Forgot it was today." He said, crossing to the freezer and extracting an sealed bottle of vodka. The expensive, imported vodka he normally reserved for when times were good. Or bad.

"It's ok that I'm here?" Suddenly it didn't seem like such a great plan. Perhaps he should have returned at a calmer time, not when he was facing mission-fresh Alec. Alec drank straight from the bottle and exhaled slowly. He seemed to recover himself, pasting on the trademark lopsided grin. Q noted that it didn't quite reach his eyes or wipe away the frown lines on his brow.

"Yes. Yes, of course, it's wonderful." Alec kissed Q's forehead and gave him a brief hug, moving away quickly. His body was rigid under Q's hands. "I need a shower..." He gestured towards the stairs with the bottle, as though asking permission to escape.

Q nodded. "Curry due in 30 minutes. I ordered enough for two."

"Great... I'll go..." "Yes, of course." Q watched Alec practically bolt for the stairs, bottle in hand. Something was off with him and Q wondered if he should call R to find out more, but... Was this what Alec always tried to hide? What Q was supposed to notice?

Curry arrived on time and Q set out plates on the counter leaving things closed up until they could actually sit down and eat. But, Alec had not come back downstairs yet from his hasty retreat to the master bedroom upstairs.

Q headed to the bottom of the stairs and called for Alec getting no response. “Oh don’t even think it.” He glanced over in time to see Amelie crouching getting ready to jump on the counter to inspect the takeaway boxes. “Sneaking little bitch,” he shooed her away. “Turn my back for a second and you think it's fair game. Evie taught you bad manners and spoiled you while we were there.”

He headed up the stairs toward the upper levels bedrooms but hesitated in the hallway lingering just outside the door to the main bedroom. Just not quite being able to make himself venture into the newly redecorated room. “Alec… Curry is here.” He called leaning against the wall outside the doorway. “I’ll just…”

At that moment Alec appeared in the bedroom doorway, although clad in pyjama pants, he was still obviously dripping wet from the shower, vodka bottle in hand. "Are you sure you're alright Alec? Was the mission ok? Can I do anything for you?" Q stumbled over the words hastily, not knowing what to ask.

Alec stepped out of the bedroom and seemed to loom, staring down at his shorter partner. Q took a step back until he felt the wall at his back. "Can you do anything?" Alec repeated slowly with a cruel smirk. "You could help me wind down, Q. Vodka just isn't hitting the spot."

Q swallowed hard, looking away. Alec barked a laugh and stepped away, forcing a lightness into his voice. "It's fine. Let's eat."

Q frowned and reached for Alec's arm as he was going to walk away. "It's not alright is it? This is what you were trying to keep from me."

Alec shook him off. "I said it's fine. Dinner is downstairs."

But Q grabbed him again. "Talk to me, Alec? Explain it. If we're going to fix things you have to be honest with me." Q took a step back as Alec crowded him against the wall.

"I don't want to explain it" Alec growled "don't want to have to. You want to know what I want? Want me to show you what will make it all better for a while at least?"

Q hesitated for a moment trying to assess the look in Alec’s eyes before answering. “Yes. Yes I do. I need to know what I can do and what is going on.” He tried to push away from the wall but Alec kept him crowded against it.

Alec crowded in closer if that was possible, smelling of vodka, and buried his nose into the dark curls on top of Q’s head. It was then that Q managed to get a good look at the bottle still clutched in Alec’s hand and realized that he had drank quite a bit of it in a short half hour timeframe.

“I’m not sure you are ready for this Quartermaster.” Alec huffed leaning back to take a drink for the bottle.

When he had finished, Q took the bottle from his hand and drank from it himself, adding to the alcohol he had started consuming earlier. “Need to settle things Alec. Back to us. Burn the bridge behind….” He muttered looking up at his partner.

Alec's large fingers gripped Q's jaw and tilted his head up. His fingertips pressed into Q's skin bruisingly.

Q held his breath as Alec's lips descended. The kiss was brutal, aggressive. Alec's teeth grazed Q's lower lip and Q tasted the tang of blood. He gripped Alec's bicep with his free hand, nails sinking into Alec's tanned skin.

Alec nipped at Q's lip hard forcing Q to push against his chest with the flat of his palm to break the kiss.

"Alec..." The bottle of vodka felt heavy in his hand. Q's arm dropped and the thick glass clinked against the wall. Alec stepped away breathing heavily and Q took a large swallow from the bottle, glaring defiantly at his lover. "Come on then Alec. You want me to understand. I need to know..."

"You don't know what you're asking" Alec growled, but one hand closed on Q's wrist and the other fell on the back of his neck, spinning him around and propelling him through the master bedroom door ahead of him. Once inside he wrestled the bottle from Q's resisting fingers and pushed him towards the centre of the empty room. "But this is me, Q" Alec breathed against his ear. "Are you sure you want to know me? I am an utter bastard."

Q whimpered. He didn't want to be in this room at all but Alec's large body pressed behind him, trapping him. It was either submit or fight the grip that Alec had on him. He felt lightheaded, anxious, and breathless with anticipation. "Yes. You are."

Alec maneuvered them to the middle of the room, one hand still trapping Q's wrist. The other arm snaked around the smaller man's waist. Alec's hot breath ghosted over his ear "This is where you belong Q. Here with me."

Q fisted up his free hand and unexpectedly punched the back of Alec's hand where it now stroked across the tight muscles just above the waistband of his trousers.

"Fuck. You little shite." Alec snarled as Q managed to pull free from him enough that he was only trapped by his wrist now. 

"You want to show me, well not in here Alec." He growled back at the Russian managing to pull him along with him as he struggled towards the bedroom door. "I told you this room was..."

Alec shoved him out the bedroom door pinning him against the wall on the far side of the corridor still in control of his one arm. Wrist still tight in his grasp, Q's arm quickly pinned above his head against the corridor wall as they struggled for control of Q's other arm between them. "You're mine Quartermaster. No more dinners out with whatever his name was."

Q hissed in pain as Alec's fingers tightened on his wrist. He flailed with his free arm connecting with Alec's ear. "Bastard, you don't have that right..."

Alec flinched away, ear ringing from the blow. He hauled Q close with his free arm tight around his waist, crushing Q's slim body against his chest. Water still dripped from Alec's hair where he hadn't taken the time to towel it properly. It soaked into Q's shirt in dark spots. "I'm asserting that right, Quartermaster" Alec growled. "If you have a problem with that, speak now."

Q didn't have a chance to utter more than a gasp before Alec's lips crushed against his once more. Slowly Alec eased Q's arm from above his head and into the small of Q's back, pinning it there.

Q's free hand grasped at fresh air until it finally found Alec's shoulder, slapping firmly at his warm damp skin. "Alec..." He gasped, turning his head away.

Alec didn't release him but moved away fractionally so his lower body wasn't grinding against his partner. Alec was half hard already. He wanted. Needed.


	25. Chapter 25

Q's heart hammered in his chest. He felt almost weak, unfocused. The scotch and the vodka coursed through his veins making everything too bright. Alec looked down at him and scowled. He was going to release him, going to walk away... Q felt panic rise. He wouldn't allow that. Not now. “Oh no you bastard. You are not walking away from me now.”

Q pressed himself tightly against the taller man his free hand pushing into Alec’s damp hair pulling his face back down towards his. “You’ve started this. I wanted to know.”

Alec pushed him back against the wall again. Q’s other hand still trapped behind him. “Is that you confirming this is my right, Quartermaster?” Alec snarled into his ear hot breath ghosting across his neck sending a shiver through him.

“Fuck Alec… Bloody yes, if you have to hear the words!” Q stammered. Alec shoved a foot between his, shoving his stance wider. Alec’s muscular thigh pressed hard against him and Q’s body automatically moved to rut against it.

“Can’t let this come between… us… again.” He gasped as Alec crushed their lips together again shoving his head back against the wall. Alec groped between them, tearing at the buttons of Q's shirt. The fabric ripped where the buttons wrenched free. Q whimpered and Alec laughed, a sharp, cruel sound. "You want this, Quartermaster. You think you do. Let's fucking see shall we?" Alec dragged him away from the wall, moving behind him and pushing Q's arm painfully up his back.

"Fuck Alec!" By contrast his fingers explored Q's chest and stomach almost tenderly, brushing briefly over his nipples and teasing along the waistband of Q's trousers. Q relaxed slightly, leaning away to relieve the strain on his arm.

Alec's mouth dropped to Q's neck, teeth grazing over the tense muscle making Q shiver until Alec bit down hard. Q hissed and jerked his hips when Alec's hand roughly palmed his cock through the front of his trousers. "You so think you do. Downstairs" Alec commanded, pushing him forwards abruptly.

Q stumbled, and Alec caught him roughly by the elbow, forcing him ahead down to the bedroom. Q stumbled again, catching his foot on something, having lost his glasses somewhere along the way in the tussle in the upstairs corridor.

“Stairs coming up Q. Wouldn’t want you broken and bloody before we’ve had a chance to have some fun.” Alec chuckled pulled him back tightly to him at the top landing heading downwards to the one of the spare bedrooms.

Q hissed, free hand digging his fingers into Alec’s forearm as he took the opportunity to roughly palm Q’s cock again. “Can’t see Alec,” Q stammered searching for the stop stair with a foot. "Bloody glasses gone."

“Don’t need to see, Q. Just need you to feel...” Alec buried his face in Q’s hair and inhaled as he pushed the younger man forward slightly. “Step Q.” which turned into Alec basically half carrying Q down the stairs not wanting to let go of his grip on him.

Alec pressed him against the wall outside the door of the bedroom Q had decided was his for now. Face first against the wall, arm still pinned tightly behind him, Alec roughly grabbed Q’s cock through his trousers causing the younger man to whimper. Alec’s lips explored the tightened muscles in the curve of Q’s neck down to his shoulder where it ended in another solid bite that would leave dark bruising later. “You are way too quiet, Q.  But I’ll fix that.”

Alec flicked the button of Q's trousers loose, working his large fingers inside the zip. His thumb circled the damp stain on the cloth of Q's pants over the sensitive head of his cock making Q whine and thrust against Alec's questing hand.

"Alec. Please..."

"Eager little fucker, aren't you? Anyone would think you enjoyed being manhandled, Quartermaster." Alec chuckled against his ear. He leaned heavily into Q's upper back pressing Q's cheek hard against the wall. His hand left Q's cock for a moment to press hard against his lower belly urging Q to shuffle his feet further from the wall until his body tilted, arse sticking out.

Alec laughed and stepped back. "You're a sight." His large hand clamped on the back of Q's neck. Bringing his face close to Q's he said softly "I could tear those trousers down to your knees and fuck you against this wall."

"If that's what you want, Alec" Q gasped. He didn't move the arm that nestled in the small of his back even though Alec no longer held it there.

Alec smirked at him."What I want Quartermaster is to hear you moan, beg, and scream." He caressed Q's curls slowly, then grabbed hard, yanking the young man upright.

Q yelped, tears springing to his eyes as Alec once again found his cock. Alec's hand slid over his cock, thumb brushing ever so slightly over the head and making Q groan wanting to arch into Alec's hand, tears forming in the corners of his eyes threatening to spill over. The taller man held him tight, not letting him move into the need.

Fingers trailed along just right, squeezing him, "Fucking bloody bastard." Q swore as Alec's hand disappeared from his cock.

"Yes I am, Q and fuck is just what I intend to do to you until you bloody forget your name." Alec chuckled in his ear giving another tug at his hair causing Q to hiss. Alec quickly turned him and shoved him through the bedroom door in front of him.

"You have too much clothing on Quartermaster. It needs to go." Q heard the familiar click open of the knife Alec always carried in his trousers pocket.


	26. Chapter 26

"Arms by your sides." Q felt the hem of his shirt lift and Alec pressed the cold blunt edge of the blade vertically against his spine. Q immediately stilled as Alec's fingers tightened against his scalp and the point pressed briefly against his skin.

Blade flipped and the sudden rent of fabric as Alec sliced Q's shirt from collar to hem made Q flinch away with a shocked cry. "Goodbye shirt"

Q gasped shakily as Alec seized both halves and yanked. The fabric parted at the collar and jerked Q's aching arm. Alec cut one half free with two deft flicks of the knife, one at the shoulder, the other pinging the button free on the cuff.

"Take it off" Alec stalked around to face him, watching every movement of Q's lean muscles as he disentangled his arms from the ruined shirt. Q's clothed cock poked from his open fly, the wet fabric stretched over the satisfying bulge. Alec touched the flat of the knife to the damp stain then slowly raised it to Q's lips. "Taste yourself, Q. See how much better it is on the edge." Deliberately slowly he zipped and buttoned Q’s trousers, knuckles trailing up Q’s cock.

Q frowned in protest but Alec was holding out the knife for him to taste. Q cautiously licked the blade, aware of exactly how sharp the knife was. Alec smirked and slowly drew the flat of the blade across Q's tongue, chuckling at the way Q's eyes widened. "Good?"

"Bastard" Q muttered when the knife was clear of his lips.

Alec's stare hardened and Q inhaled sharply as he caught a glimpse of the cold agent lurking behind his eyes. Like a striking snake Alec's fingers were back in Q's hair, tilting his head back painfully, exposing his throat. Alec pressed the tip of the knife just under Q's chin. "Mind your manners, Quartermaster. One slip and it won't be your clothing you're worrying about. Think about it, Q... Me, fucking you with this pressed against your throat... Gets me fucking hard, Q."

Q whimpered and Alec smiled with satisfaction, drawing the point carefully down the side of Q's neck. Alec was an expert with the knife. He knew it so well, the weight, the feel of it in his hand, it was like an extension of his own body. The pressure he exerted was just enough to leave a faint red trail on Q's pale throat without breaking the skin.

Q held his breath, not daring to move even a millimetre. Adrenaline coursed in his veins. Nipples peaked. The sting of his scalp of his hair pulled tight and the acute awareness of the path of the knife lower and lower was terrifying and erotic all at once. His cock strained beneath the stretched fabric of his trousers.

"Trousers, pants, Quartermaster." Alec sneered at him as the knife slowly trailed its way down the pale skin of his chest. "You wouldn't want me to become impatient would you?"

Q's hands slowly came up to the waistband of his trousers fumbling for the button and zip never taking his eyes off of Alec. It was clear Alec had zipped them just to witness Q’s nervous fight with the fasteners now. After some struggle with shaky fingers, he finally managed the zip on the third try.

"Having a little issue there?" Alec chuckled as Q hissed and felt the tip of the knife press against his left nipple, trousers falling to the floor. Q fumbled with the elastic waist of pants trying to push them down but with the blade pushed against his skin he was afraid to move too far.

"Too slow Quartermaster." Alec's calloused fingers twisted in his dark curls once more pulling his face closer toward him, breath whispering across his ear as he felt the tip of the blade hook under the lower edge of his pants and start to pull upwards. The fabric parted with a ripping sound that seemed loud in the bedroom. Q's pants sagged around one leg and with a rough tweak of the tip of the knife they slid to Q's knee. Alec pulled him roughly forward, forcing Q to step out of the clothing now pooled around his ankles. "Time for the real fun to begin."

Q sagged against Alec's chest caught off balance. Alec chuckled at the sudden fear in his lover's eyes as Q panicked, unsure where the knife was. "Afraid of me yet? Rethinking your choice?" Q swallowed as Alec brought the knife up to his cheek and laid the flat of the blade against the side of his face. "No" Q managed to whisper. "You wouldn't hurt me. Not critically anyway."

Alec angled it until the edge rested alongside Q's eye. "Are you quite sure about that Quartermaster?" He growled before claiming Q's mouth in a rough dangerous kiss. The point bit home.

Q yelped when Alec suddenly thrust him away, hand to the side of his face. His finger came away with a tiny smear of blood. "Just a tiny nick, Q, nothing too serious. Yet... Against the wall now!"

Q slowly stepped back towards the wall never taking his eyes off of Alec. Alec moved with him, cold hardness glittered in his eyes. "Changed your mind yet, Quartermaster?"

"Never." Immediately replied as his back hit the wall abruptly.

Alec was instantly on him. Large hand grabbing a wrist and spinning him around face first into the wall and keeping his smaller partner off balance enough that before he realised both hands were pinned above his head against the wall. Alec leaned heavily into him pushing naked skin into the rough surface of the wall until his hardening cock was pressed painfully against it.

Q gasped again as he felt the coldness of the metal blade press against the bare skin of his shoulder. "Surely you aren't afraid of a little steel and a few trickles of blood Quartermaster. Someone who is cold and calculated in giving orders of death and destruction such as yourself." Alec whispered harshly in his ear before his lips found the spot on his face that was dotted with blood.

Q felt the position of the blade change to the tip being pushed hard against his skin, almost to the puncturing point. "Yes, I am cold. Have to be" Q moaned. Cold hard wall at his front, hazardous steel at his back. Both a reflection of his personality in some way, as they were Alec. Both dangerous men in their individual roles. Q instinctively moved away from the blade, pressing himself against the wall.

Alec licked the trace of blood from Q's face and tightened his one handed grip on Q's wrists. He pressed his hard cock against Q's arse, the denim of his jeans rough against Q's bare skin. "You aren't comfortable with the darkness inside you Quartermaster. You distance yourself from it. Would never dream of admitting the adrenaline rush... The power over life and death... You need it to make you feel alive."

"No" Q whispered hoarsely "it's not like that..." Alec's lips trailed down Q's neck. The point pressed painfully against his shoulder.

"Oh it is..." Alec whispered against his ear, rutting slowly against him. "And now you think you're starting to understand... You're thinking with your cock Quartermaster..."


	27. Chapter 27

Alec yanked sharply on Q's wrists and Q jerked towards him. "Fuck!" Q screamed and Alec swore as the knife sliced. Blood welled immediately from an inch long cut that began to trickle down Q's shoulder.

"Fucking bastard" Q breathed but instead of pulling away he glared over his shoulder at Alec.

"Careful..."

"Of course I'm thinking with my cock," Q stammered as he watched a small trail of blood begin to make its way slowly down across his collarbone. "I'm naked. Your rutting against me, and for some reason there happens to be blood running down my shoulder. How romantic..."

Q hissed as he felt one of Alec's rough fingers trace across the thin slice in his skin. Q felt the curve of the knife move to between his shoulder blades as Alec slowly let go of Q's wrists. Q hands remained pressed against the wall as Alec's free hand slowly stroked down his chest until his rough large hand wrapped around Q's cock slowly stroking his thumb over the head. "Fuck Alec..." Q grasped thrusting up into Alec's hand.

"Don't move too much Quartermaster or you'll have another bloody mark to match the one oozing so nicely on your shoulder." Alec smirked against Q's pale skin. "Or maybe this is a game you enjoy more than I expected?"

"The promise of pleasure..." Q gasped unable to resist the teasing thumb that smeared moisture around the head of his cock "outweighs the fear of pain... Or maybe one..."

Alec bit down on the muscle of Q's shoulder ensuring it was hard enough to leave an impression of his teeth. It would bruise.

"Fuck! ...Enhances the other." Q was almost panting, his hips making small jerks to push his cock into Alec's tight fist. The knife tip pressed against his upper back and Q pictured it slicing through his flesh, hot blood beading along thin lines that Alec would carve into his skin. "Oh god..." He groaned, pushing harder into Alec's calloused fingers. "Cut me, Alec. Just a little."

Alec buried his face in the damp curls at Q's nape. Q mewled, Alec's hot breath heavy in his hair. Anxiety and lust had made sweat prickle on Q's skin. He smelled of soap and salt and fear. It was a potent aphrodisiac to the agent who chuckled darkly against Q's hair. "Oh you see the appeal now Quartermaster. You know why I want to fuck you until you scream."

"Then do it Alec!" Q pleaded, not holding back a moan as Alec fingers trailed down his cock again. "Bastard..."

"That I may be Quartermaster but I'm the bastard who is going to take great pleasure in making you scream." Alex abruptly away from that way and shoved him roughly towards the bed swatting his arse. "Get your skinny arse on the bed Q."

His legs hit the edge of the bed and he fell face first on the bed, hands and knees. "Perfect" Alec mused. "I don't think we've broken this bed in Quartermaster. I think it's about time."

Q could hear the rustle of clothing behind him as Alex began to discard his shirt and trousers. "Just try not to burn this one." Q snarled just as a large hand clamped across the nape of his neck shoving his face down into the duvet.

"Enough comments out of you Quartermaster. I want to hear you beg and scream." The bed dipped as Alec joined him. Alec roughly forced Q's knees further apart and knelt between his legs reaching between them to give Q's cock a harsh squeeze. Q whimpered wanting more, earning himself another hard slap across the backside. "You'll take what I give you when I fucking give it Quartermaster!"

"Then hurry the fuck up" Q griped turning his face from the duvet. Alec grabbed Q's thin wrist wrestling it behind Q's back. Deprived of a stable position Q found himself trying to breathe through the thick quilt once more, this time his own body weight and Alec's punishing hold on his arm, keeping him helplessly face down.

"Less of the attitude you little shite!" Something sharp nudged into the small dip above his buttocks. "You asked me to cut you. Didn't specify where. How about here?"

The point trailed down the cleft of Q's buttocks like a menacing caress. Q froze as it paused at his entrance then moved on down to his balls.

"Or how about here?" It was becoming impossible to breathe, hot and suffocating, but Q didn't dare move even a fraction with the knife resting lightly against the underside of his balls. His cock throbbed at the knowledge he was completely at Alec's mercy.

"Alec..." He half sobbed.

Alec chuckled low and menacing. "If you could see the way your body quivers, Q." Suddenly the metal threat was gone but Q still couldn't breathe. He began to struggle until Alec's fingers tangled in his hair and yanked his head back. Q heaved in great gulps of air.

"You are such a wanker, Alec” he croaked.

Alec expertly flipped the knife, holding it carefully by the blade. He pressed the hard blunt end of the handle against Q's hole. "Call me that again Q and it won't be my cock I fuck you with."

Q struggled to still but a huge shudder ran through him bringing a dark chuckle from Alec. The blunt pressure disappeared from his hole as Alec's finger trailed up the inside of his thigh until he cupped Q's balls in his large hand Q mewled trying to rut against the bedding but Alec's fingers tugged hard reined in his hair again.

"Tell me Quartermaster. What do you want?"

"Fuck me Alec! Just do it!" Alec's fingers retreated from his balls and the feel of cold metal appeared at the base of his back again.

"Maybe I need to leave my mark right here in this little dimpled spot," He could feel the blade almost breaking the skin. "Right here. So I can see it everytime fuck you. Reminder of where you belong Quartermaster... In my bed."

"Yes... I do... Please, Alec. I need..." Q broke off, reluctant to admit so readily what he wanted. Alec stretched Q's neck painfully until Q was sure he'd tear the hair from his scalp. Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes, darkening his long lashes. He wanted nothing more than to feel Alec sinking into him. Needed it.

Alec smirked at the pleading man, pleased at the neediness in his voice. He released Q's hair and Q buried his head in the bed. "Mine, Quartermaster. Say it, and I'll give you what you want."

"Yours..." The knife slid across Q's skin. Deliberately. Slowly. Q keened.

"Please Alec... Fuck me!"

The cut was small, perfect, beautiful. Alec's mark, drawn in blood. The knife thudded onto the mattress by Q's head and Q cried out as Alec seized his hips.

“New bedroom Quartermaster,” Alec chuckled fingers digging deeper into Q’s boney hips as he tried to crawl up further on the bed. Alec held him tight. There would be definite purpled fingerprints on his pale skin in the morning. “Don’t suppose you thought to restock your new bedside table. Probably weren’t planning on getting fucked into the mattress your first night home.” Q hissed and stammered as Alec’s fingers dug into this skin.

“Bloody fuck… didn’t.. I…”

“Guess we are just going to do this the rough way then. Not very organized and well planned in advance for this mission, Quartermaster.” Q felt a hand release his hip, callused fingers trailing his lower back until Alec’s rough thumb ran across the knife mark in the dip of his lower back playing at the edges of the cut. “Going to make a nice scar, Q”

"Alec..." Q gasped, wincing away from the sting as Alec widened the wound. "Fuck, that hurts..."

"Good! Then let me take your mind off it." Alec's rough finger penetrated him to the second knuckle without warning, sliding over his prostate. Q howled and bucked against the abrupt intrusion, held fast by Alec's firm hand on his hip.

"You bastard" Q panted.

Alec growled and slapped him hard across the arse. "Waited long enough Q. About time we resolved this my way." One strong hand pushed hard between Q's shoulder blades holding him down. "Fuck you? Yes, I think I will."


	28. Chapter 28

Q squirmed under Alec's heavy hand as he pressed him into the duvet, pinning him. He gasped for air as he managed to turn his face to one side so he could at least breathe.  "Alec..." Q whimpered as another rough finger joined the first one and slid over his prostate again. "Quit... teasing..." He keened loudly bucking up into Alec's hand trying to pull up onto all fours just to have hand Alec push him harder down into the mattress.  

"Let me hear you.  Make some noise you little shite."  The dark haired smaller man keened beneath him, scrabbling at the sheets with long slender fingers as Alec's hand moved from between his shoulder blades to the back of his neck.  

"Fuck me... bloody wanker..." Q keened loudly.  

"If you insist Quartermaster." Alec chuckled darkly as he shoved Q legs apart farther with his legs, kneeling behind the smaller man. "Definitely going to scar nicely Q."

Alec took Q roughly, not even pausing when Q shouted into the mattress.  His hand remained firmly on Q's neck, holding where he wanted him and his knees pressed hard against the inside of Q's legs.  "Come on, you little shite, let me hear how much you need this..."  Alec's fingers tightened painfully and a half sob escaped from the man beneath him.  
  
"Oh fuck, Alec..." Q braced as best he could against the slow but savage thrusting of Alec's cock and the bouncing of his cheek pressed into the bed as his entire body was jolted by Alec's force.  With no lube and little preparation he was tight and the drag of Alec's cock was almost painful with each withdrawal.  Something he barely had time to register before Alec was slamming home again.   
  
"You are so fucking beautiful like this, Quartermaster.  At my mercy, whimpering..."  Q keened again and writhed beneath Alec's hand, hot breath coming in frantic gasps.  "You need this Q.  Needed it for a long fucking time, and I should have given it to you!  Shown you where you belong."

Alec’s other hand drifted to the small of Q’s back where his fingers played over the gash in his pale skin once more.  “Fuck…” Q hissed as tiny droplets of blood began to whelm up again.  

“You are so mine Quartermaster.”  Alec thrust deep into him rutting Q into the duvet, damp dark curls spread out on the bedding as Q keened beneath him. Alec fucked into him mercilessly.  

"Fuck, fuck, fuck" he panted with every stinging thrust.  "Going to make me... Fuck.  Make me..."

"Come on, you little shite, let me hear how much you need this..." Alec’s hand tightened on the back of Q’s neck pushing him over the edge as he came screaming Alec’s name.  
  
Blood smeared across Q's lower back, stark against his white skin.  Dark red, seeming both violent and yet life affirming. Alec thrust once, twice more, riding his own intense high, until he was emptying himself into Q's body in powerful spurts.   
  
Alec collapsed heavily against Q's back not even bothering to hold himself up.  His weight crushed Q into the mattress.  "Ok?" Alec growled and it was more a command for Q to reassure him.   
  
Q was silent until Alec rolled off him. His body felt limp and bruised. Sore, and the cut at the base of his spine stung where Alec's sweat mingled with his blood. He half rolled onto his side, hissing at the pain.  "Yes" he managed, but anything else was too much effort.  He reached behind him and took Alec's hand drawing his arm awkwardly around him and holding Alec's palm flat against his chest over his pounding heart.

Q lay there is silence for a few minutes heart pounding, breathing hard with Alec pressed tightly against his back before he made a move to get up.  Without a word he wriggled out from Alec's arm and silently padding into the bathroom.  

Alec could hear him in the bathroom, watering running, cleaning up and then could faintly see Q's form standing with his back to the full length mirror on the back of the bathroom door.  

A faint stir of panic rose in Alec at Q's silence, questioning if he had pushed things past that 'fine line' in the relationship, which wasn't on solid ground as it was. "Q?  Alright?" he had barely gotten out when the bathroom door was flung open and he was hit square in the face with a warm wet flannel.

"I so bloody hate you right now Alec Trevelyan.  You fucking carved a "6" in the small of my back, you bloody bastard." The med kit from the bathroom thudded on the bed right next to him.  "Least you can do is clean it up."

Alec reached up, grabbing Q's wrist pulling him back down onto the bed with him, "Roll over Quartermaster.  Let me have at it."

"What the fuck am I going to say to Medical the next time. Bloody fuck that stings." Q hissed into the duvet as Alec brushed his finger across the still bleeding frayed skin before dabbing at it with antiseptic.  

"You're going to wear it proudly, that's what you are going to do.   You are mine, Quartermaster!  And Medical won't have the bloody nerve to say a word about it at all.  Although if they chat amongst themselves , it will probably be brought up in my next psych eval."

Alec grew quiet for a moment until Q felt his larger hand come to rest on the back of his thigh.  "Too much? Staying Quartermaster?'

Q rolled over onto his side so he could see Alec, sighed but also smirked up at him. "Of course I'm staying you bloody idiot.  Someone has to watch after you and put up with your bat shite crazy moments. Just next time don't try to poke my eye out with your sharp toys.  I'd look bloody ridiculous with an eye patch."  Q reached up pulling Alec down next to him for a kiss.

"There'll be a 'next time'?"  Alec had felt the storm inside himself calm with the aggression of the act, but a new anxiety niggled.  What if Q didn't want this again? Couldn't handle it?  Alec wouldn't seek relief elsewhere and risk his relationship again but that need... That dark need...  
  
"Whenever there's a mission there'll be a chance you'll need a 'next time'."  Q held his gaze steadily.  "If it's needed..."   
  
Alec nodded slowly reaching for Q again and kissing him.  "If it's needed, it will be you I come to, Quartermaster.  See the mission through to its conclusion."


End file.
